The Hellhole

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The other evening, I’d finished a book and found myself in that sort of limbo-time, too late to start another but too early to go to bed, so I turned on the television and channel-surfed for something interesting. After a while, Alan took a break from his technical writing and walked through, headed toward the kitchen in search of a tasty soda.

Alan (alarmed): WHAT in the world are you watching?

Me: Sophie’s Choice.

Alan: What?!? WHY?!? Do you know what Sophie’s choice IS?!?

Me: Yeah, it’s a book – remember, the other night it was a Jeopardy! question, which I didn’t know the answer because I’ve never read it, but you got it right. So tonight I was flipping through the channels and here is the movie version.

Alan: No, not do you know what Sophie’s Choice the medium is, do you know what her actual choice is?

Helly: Oh! Well, it appears that she’s going to have to choose between Kevin Kline and Cage from Ally McBeal, which normally I would have to say is no contest, but – just between you and me – I think Kevin Kline might be more than a wee bit insane.

Alan: No. That’s not what it’s about. During World War Two, she was sent to a concentration camp and when she got there, they made her choose which of her children she could keep and which one got gassed.

Helly: WHAT?!? That’s absolutely vile!

Alan: Honey, Nazis were vile. That’s sort of the point.

Helly: Well, I don’t want to watch some depressing movie about horrible Nazi child-gassing!

Alan: I KNOW. [takes remote, turns off television] Really, I think it would be best to check with me before watching if you don’t already know what a movie is about – particularly poignant or otherwise meaningful cinema.

Helly: Okay. [pause – thinks for a bit] Wait a tick! Why exactly have YOU seen this movie? How is it that you, Alan Bowman Weather Channel Addict, have seen an entire film about Meryl Streep’s heartwrenching torment at the hands of evil Nazis?

Alan: Well, back in college I was dating this chick and she really wanted to see it, so I took her and I had to kinda watch it by default.

Helly: Really?

Alan: Really.

Helly: Whoa. You guys really will do ANYTHING to get some, won’t you?

Alan: Oh my sweetheart. You have NO IDEA.


  • Ha! I just read that out loud to Leigh-Ann. I think I watched "Sophie's Choice" once, right up until she had to make her "choice", and then I stopped watching. What did I see, maybe 7 minutes of the movie? Ugh, yuk.

    I have a pretty thorough Holocaust education, so I don't think I needed to see someone relive it. Although, I saw "Schindler's List" at the theater when it came out. People walked in with drinks and popcorn and candystuffs. Not long after the movie started, everyone put their drinks and munchies down. Most of the theater was crying. When we left, after it was over, it was the most somber crowd walking back to their cars in the parking garage.

    I'll no longer go see a movie that I know is sure to depress me, although I will read the book. Like "The Book Thief" - in general, a pretty depressing theme, which would make a super depressing movie. (for all I know about current movies, it's been made and released already) So, I read the book, but got to cry in the privacy of my own home.

    Alan makes me laugh. :)

    By Anonymous FlippyO, at 4:15 AM  

  • It's good that Alan saved you from that train wreck. Nobody warned me off! That's 2 1/2 hours I'll never get back. Bleah! Bleah bleah bleah bleah ick. I'd sooner watch Police Academy movies than sit through that again.

    By Blogger Topcat, at 8:09 AM  

  • I had NO idea that's what the book/movie was really about. I thought she had to make her 'choice' regarding two men in her life. I will NEVER read the book or watch the movie!

    Thanks, dear Son-in-law! (and Helster, too)


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:06 AM  

  • I don't think I've ever seen any movies I really disliked because of the girl I was seeing at the time. Everything I've watched because a girl asked me to has turned out to be a movie I really liked. Many of 'em are "girly" films, but so what?

    Let's see, a list:

    From one ex:
    The Unbearable Lightness of Being (I think this was the only one she made me watch; mostly it was the other way around, me showing her films I thought she'd like). This was also the only one on this list that I kind of disliked, but I have fond memories of the night anyway because she could tell I didn't really care for the film after it was over, and rewarded me with about six hours of sex. (Apparently the film really got her revved up, too, which is weird when you think about what kind of film it is).

    From another ex:
    Shakespeare in Love
    Moulin Rouge

    From my Leslie:
    Spirited Away
    Howl's Moving Castle
    Victor / Victoria
    The Producers
    The Sound of Music (this one mostly "eh")

    Some very good films on the list. I'm sure I'll think of others.


    By Blogger Phil, at 7:42 AM  

  • I remember reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" and liking it, then seeing the movie and not liking that. I'm fuzzy on the details, though.

    Generally, I don't want to see depressing, sad movies. I'm not so intellectually shallow that I only want action flicks, it's just - I want movies to entertain, and/or distract me from reality, which is mostly depressing enough. So no Schindler's List for me, ever.

    By Blogger Helly, at 10:57 AM  

  • I haven't seen Sophie's Choice, although anything with Meryl Streep is bound to be a tearjerker. The woman needs to do some comedies, I recommend Mamma Mia if you haven't seen it.

    By Blogger A Margarita, at 1:08 PM  

  • haha, I had no idea where this post was going, but I must praise your talent for turning a story about Sophie's Choice into something that made me snort my coffee with laughter ;)

    By Blogger Z, at 7:52 AM  

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