The Hellhole

Thursday, February 19, 2009

This is a Hellhole milestone, because it's my 1000th post (according to my Blogger count). I wanted to make it special which means Alan, so I swiped this meme off Dooce because it can be ALL ABOUT THE HUSBAND! I generally don't tag people for memes and I'm still not, but Nancy and Z - I'm looking at you.

What are your middle names?

Alan! His middle name is Alan! At least 3 generations of men in his family are Robert Something, and mine mine mine is Robert Alan. Oh, and my middle name is Michelle.

How long have you been together?
Um, a while? Hey! Alan! How long have we been together? "Since July 3, 2004." It's odd to me because in a way I feel I've never been without him and in a way I feel I haven't been with him NEARLY long enough.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We became friends first via e-mail, which ramped up to e-mails several times a day for a few months before Nancy told him he had to start dating me. But it was this post that inspired his first e-mail to me, and we can all see how that turned out.

Who asked whom out?
Technically, he did but the more correct answer is NANCY (wife of his best friend, my matron of honor). He asked me out for dinner and a movie but only once Nancy told him to, after I'd made hints both cryptic and blatant for WEEKS with no response.

How old are each of you?
I'm thirty-lots. I don't want to admit how many lots. And he is 4 years more than me.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
We don't see either as much as we'd like. My brother (sibling and incidentally one of my best friends) lives in Greenville, SC; he's a symphony musician so he's busy a lot of weekends. Alan's sister and brother live in Augusta, GA which is just far enough away that you can't nip down for a weeknight dinner together - it has to be more of a planned trek. His sister is a manager at a retail store which means that she, too, is busy more weekends than not - which are the times we are free. It's more difficult than we'd like to see the people we care about.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I have no idea how to answer this question. We don't really fight about anything. We've been through some HORRIBLY tough times together, my father's death being the most terribly awfulest - but there's no specific ongoing thing that causes friction. We have the same outlook and ideals about most of the important issues.

Did you go to the same school?
Nope, not prep school or college or post-grad. It's a miracle I ever snagged him. See "Nancy", above.

Are you from the same home town?
No. Alan was born in Wertheim, Germany, when his father was stationed there in the Army. He considers his home town Augusta, Georgia, because both his parents are from there, going back several generations, and that's really where he grew up following a few military postings. My dad was also in the Army, but never stationed anywhere it was safe to store dependents, so I was born in my mom's home town, a place I refer to as "Cowshit, Georgia" - because that's about all there is there. Cowshit, Georgia - where our cars are on blocks but our houses are on wheels! (That's a trailer park joke if you're not from a podunk town, though I actually have never lived in a trailer. And hope I never do.) To be fair, lots of people think Cowshit is a lovely, picturesque paragon of a Southern small town. I like to say I'm from Atlanta.

Who is smarter?
It depends. He is far smarter in terms of computers and geography and technical things, I'm your girl for financial planning, arcane knowledge, literary stuff - I think we're both equally intelligent, just in very different ways/areas. I have a better memory, but memory isn't the same as smart. He is S-M-R-T!

Who is the most sensitive?
Sensitive, it's hard to say. He's more sentimental, but it's easier to hurt my feelings.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Frontera Mex-Mex Grill. We also like Olive Garden, Bugaboo Creek Steakhouse and Michelangelo, the restaurant where we had our rehearsal dinner.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
So far - Las Vegas. I'm working on St. Croix.

Who has the craziest exes?
Hmm, another one I'm not sure how to answer. Neither of us have exes that crop up being freaky and scary. As far as the historical narrative goes, he's dated some bizarros, but then again, I've dated MUSICIANS. I think I win by default.

Who has the worst temper?
Oh hells, me hands down. There's really nothing I can say in my defense, except - well, I do have red hair. Like the t-shirt Nancy bought me reads: "Just consider the hair a horrible, horrible warning."

Who does the cooking?
Both of us. Alan has the degree in culinary arts, but we both cook, either taking turns or doing different phases of a meal. I bow to his skill, he lets me chop stuff - it works out. We have a sorta free-and-easy approach to cooking, where one person does more depending on how long/tiring/frustrating a day the other's had.

A favorite Alan-and-Helly joke: Alan: Dear, what did you make for dinner? Helly: Reservations.

But really, we kinda play it by ear - who's in the mood to cook, do we want anything that we have, would we rather go out, etc.

Who is the neat-freak?
Me. My boss likes to tell people of the time that he was over at my house, we were making Bloody Marys, and he opened my fridge and found all the condiments in the fridge door in alphabetical order from A-1 to Worchestershire. I'd like to be offended, but that story is 100% true. Alan endures me.

Who is more stubborn?
You read my blog, and yet you wonder the answer to that question? Have you the brain-worms???

Who hogs the bed?
I don't know that either of us hog the bed. I hog the covers, no question, no argument. It's 78 degrees and I'm freezing, so I have the sheet, the blankie, my Gramma Harriet's quilt and the comforter. He has the sheet half kicked off. When he rolls over, though, we ALL know it (me and the pets). Alan doesn't so much roll over as he levitates, rotates in the air, and SLAMS back down on the mattress, dislodging me and whatever pets happen to be on the mattress at the time.

Who wakes up earlier?
Currently, Alan. We went through a phase where his shift started far after I had to get up but right now, he gets up a little after 6AM. I get up at 7:30, which is when his shift starts. Unless I get up earlier because a certain little Chihuahua is yipping and romping and playing and has no patience for lazy slug-a-beds. Which happens. More than you might think.

Where was your first date?
We did the standard dinner-and-a-movie date. We went to Applebee's and then saw Shrek II.

Who is more jealous?
Boring answer but I don't think either of us is particularly jealous. I'd never, ever break my wedding vows, I took that VERY seriously, and I think he is the same (plus I'm always there spying on him). We don't have issues with opposite gender friends/acquaintances/e-mailers...we're just not jealous types. I mean, sure, I'd castrate him if he cheated on me, but jealous issues? Not really. Well, except for that 'castration' thing.

How long did it take to get serious?
WAY TOO LONG. I was totally in love with him and he wouldn't even ask me out, so I was in love but we weren't even dating, and then finally Nancy forced him to ask me out so we were finally dating. Then we were BF/GF a while and one day I told him (scared to death) that I wanted us to get married. He was totally silent through my whole long, repetitive, stream-of-consciousness spiel and when he at long last responded, he said, "Okay. What kind of ring would you like?"

Who eats more?
Alan. I can be a pig when I choose, but I rarely eat breakfast and I honestly don't have a sweet tooth. Salty snacks, particularly cheeses and crackers - I'm hopelessly lost. But desserts, not so much. He snacks throughout the day, while I don't like to eat between meals, but then he's supposed to do so because of low blood sugar.

Who does the laundry?
Alan, me and The Sainted Miss Betty. Sorta depends on the kind of day/week the others have had - we divvy it up.

Who's better with the computer?
Well, that's kinda what he does for a living. Macs and Red Hats and penguins, oh my!

Who drives when you are together?
Alan, because I make him nervous. He thinks I drive too fast. I think he drives like a grumpy old blue-haired grandma, and after all, we wanted to get to Destination sometime in THIS decade, did we not? But the shit, he still gives me it. I haven't had any wrecks that were my fault, anyway. I just got places to go, y'know?


  • This was very informative and also hilarious!

    Inquiring minds wanted to know, and now mine knows!



    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:24 AM  

  • I totally love your courtship story; it's very cute.

    By Blogger A Margarita, at 9:39 AM  

  • You and Alan are a perfect couple. It still amazes me sometimes how beautifully that all worked out.

    By Blogger Nancy, at 11:05 PM  

  • And it was all thanks to YOU!!! Go feel smug; you've earned it.

    By Blogger Helly, at 12:29 AM  

  • haha, you tagged me right in the middle of my lazy period, so it's taken me this long to notice! (sorry!)

    I'll do it - soon. Which, in my terms, means... ???

    By Blogger Z, at 6:19 AM  

  • I've seen this everywhere, but was only inspired to do it after reading yours.

    By Anonymous Melissa, at 2:50 PM  

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