The Hellhole

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Concerning My Dog's Special Psychic Power

Sprocket the Shih-Tzu is both housebroken and an entire male; he's also Head Dog Around These Parts and as such, is compelled to mark new things that smell weird and haven't yet acknowledged his dominance. Thankfully, I don't mean Mister Fusspot - I mean things like new pieces of furniture, new or freshly laundered rugs, that sort of thing. It has nothing to do with the need to urinate and everything to do with marking.

For example, suppose I am out shopping, buying a new rug for the living room. Sprocket could have just widdled on a puppy pad like a good boy the very second I arrive home, and for the next 15 - 20 minutes, he's eyeing that rug, giving it the squink eye, counting the seconds until he's brewed up enough wee to anoint the rug. He knows where the puppy pads are, he knows how to ask for outside, but that's not the point. You can see it in his little face - he's disgruntled until things are properly Sprocketized. The last few weeks, the new television stand has been the target of his wrath - specifically the outside front leg of the television stand. About once a day, when I walk past en route to the kitchen, there will be a puddle of doggy wee centered around that leg.

The interesting thing about this is, we can't figure out how he does it.

Here is one example, but the same scenario with minor detail variation happens a lot. And by 'a lot' I mean, every freakin' time he wees on the television stand. Today Alan and I were sitting on the couch watching "Top Gear" - and, oh bliss, not one episode but TWO! - so we were sitting together on the couch for two hours, getting up occasionally to go into the kitchen for water, cola or a handful of snack mix. The entire time, Sprocket was either lying in front of the sofa between our feet, or sitting in Alan's lap. He wasn't even running in and out of the room fetching a toy; he was content to laze around gnawing his toy leopard. Every single time one of us went to and from the kitchen, there was no puddle around the leg of the television stand, but as the last strains of the Top Gear theme faded, I went to the kitchen for a glass of wine. There was no puddle of wee when I went into the kitchen but when I returned with my wine, there it was, pooling around the furniture leg.

Heaving a sigh, I returned to the kitchen for paper towels and Clorox wipes, as Alan said, "A widdle?!? HOW?!? He's right here in my lap where he's been for the last half hour!" - and since we were actually watching television, instead of reading books or using the laptop or something, we were looking in that direction. There is no way he could have lifted his leg to anoint the furniture without us seeing him. And yet he did, and we didn't.

We were discussing that, since we never catch him in the act, we can't scold him or tell him "NO!" Neither of us ever sees him over there sniffing about or lifting a leg. Alan said, "I just don't get it! He's been right here the whole time! How does he do it?!? HOW?!?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I replied. "Telekeweesis."


  • This is absolutely true! I've been 'at home' with them on numerous occaisions, and have yet to see The RocketMan anoint the furniture or a rug, but suddenly, through the miracle of "Telekeweesis"- there is a widdle!

    Bucky does the same thing, on his wee pad beside the sofa. He's right beside me, watching TV or reading, and without getting up at all, makes a wee on the pad, which of course runs under the pad and across the floor, necessitating a mop. Bucky is a little bigger than Sprocket...and wees a LOT more!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:55 AM  

  • LOL! This actually made me chuckle out loud. What an amazing Shit-Zhu! They're a special breed :)

    By Blogger A Margarita, at 11:18 AM  

  • Ick. Cricket marks (yes, she's a remarkable girl), but thankfully she only does it outside. She has to pee on top of someone else's pee or poop. It's amazing to watch her work, she can find a fresh pee spot in the yard at 50 paces, instantly.

    Anyway, have you tried a Comfort Zone diffuser to see if it'll end Sprocket's telekeweesis? Maybe he sees the new things as some sort of weird (we, little dog owners, must admit it, little dog are often freaks) threat. Cricket had really awful separation anxiety once and as soon as I plugged in the diffuser, she calmed down. Okay, not instantly, but by morning. She's still a yappy-ass terrier who will bark at anyone at the door, at a new cat (her definition of "new" is very unusual - it can be a cat that we've had for years, but if we bring it into the bedroom, where it normally doesn't roam, she has a fit), at the trash truck, at a lawn mower sound, and on and on. But, the yapping when we left the house stopped. She always yaps for a reason now, although the reason may often be really stupid.

    By Anonymous FlippyO, at 6:44 AM  

  • AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that was terrible. But try as I might, I can't come up with a better explanation.


    By Anonymous Phil C., at 11:37 AM  

  • I'd perhaps stop looking at Sprocket and start looking at Mr Fusspot???

    As for teleheweesis - bwahahahahaha! LOVE IT!

    By Blogger Z, at 6:30 AM  

  • Ha, Z - we can tell by the massive volume of wee which doggy is responsible. Sprocket makes far bigger puddles than Mister Fusspot, who only wees about half an ounce at a time.

    By Blogger Helly, at 8:54 AM  

  • Flippy, I meant to say (write) thanks for the tip on the diffuser. We'll look into that. It's far easier to clean now that the floor is mostly hardwood instead of carpet, but I'd far rather he used the pads each time.

    By Blogger Helly, at 7:20 PM  

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