This morning I witnessed an act of colossal stupidity. I went to Texaco so I could fuel up the Helmobile; while I was standing at the pump this guy pulled up in the next row driving one of those androgynous Japanese imports (Honda Accord, Toyota Camry, Nissan Sentra, they all look alike to me). He stuck the nozzle into his car, fueled for a while and then went into the store for something. I pay at the pump, myself, but maybe he had a major Tuesday morning purchase to make. Anyway, dude strolls back out, gets in his car and drives off. No, I didn’t omit anything: next the pump hose stretches out to full length as this SUV driver and I exchange “Uh-oh, this ain’t good!” looks. A construction worker type leans into his ladder truck and blows the horn to warn Clueless Dude, but he just keeps driving. The hose yanks back the nozzle, bends back his gas cap, he still doesn’t notice and then - SNAP! the hose comes off the end of the nozzle, springs back and lies on the pavement, leaking. I was thinking, “Oh, hell, please don’t let anybody throw a cigarette out their window!” - which obviously no one did or I wouldn’t be typing out the incident. Clueless Dude drives another few feet and I truly think he would have just kept going except a couple of the construction worker types were walking over yelling at him and pointing at the severed hose on the ground.

Two things struck me about this incident. One, Clueless Dude looked to be in his early or mid-thirties - point being, he was old enough that fueling up a vehicle shouldn’t be an entirely new and confusing experience. He should know the drill by now. The other thing is that his fuel door is on the driver’s side of his Japmobile, which was facing front such that he was walking straight at his car, looking right at it from the moment he left the store. He walked toward the hose, coming within - what, 2 or 3 feet? - of it and the nozzle hanging on the side of his car as he opened the door to get in - and it STILL didn’t occur to him to take the nozzle out before he hit the happy trail.

By this time the Indian/Pakistani type who ran the store had emerged, furious. I comment upon his race not to propagate a stereotype or be insulting in any way; it’s just a fact, and his foreign origin made this next bit funnier. He was yelling and fussing at Clueless Dude, either in his own language or in such heavily accented English that no one could understand him. He was just bouncing around the pumps, in a state of utter outrage, hollering all to be-damned and none of us understood a word. At this juncture, I took my leave of them because I had places to go, things to do, people to annoy; I’m sure they were able to get it sorted without me.

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. - Nick Diamos