The quality of my spam is declining. Today I had two (one from Luz Pool - COQNVVSQFIIQ@alltel.net and one from Jillian Delaney - BNVLXDZAYBSSF@cox.net) asking “Want to get the Rollax you’ve dreamed of?” If you’re going to spam me, have the diligence to do research and/or the intelligence to run spell check. It’s ROLEX, slugbrains. I tend to dream of truly fine things like Val Kilmer, not replica watches. Anyway, I already have one.

And as for Parker Wheeler (JOJLVFXTWCQWN@telusplanet.net) who tempts me to get “All the mads you need in one place” - sorry, honeybuns, too late. For years now I’ve been getting all the mads I need in one place. I call it “the office”.

These are the people who are spamming me through G-mail. I’m not sure what to think of the people who are spamming my work address, because a great deal of thought and care has gone into the invention of fictitious names. Here is a sample, which to quote Dave Barry, I am NOT making up: Snowdrop L. Recycles, Loyal V. Barnclip, Boodie T. Cahoots, Communist D. Opaques (online pharmacy); Forehands C. Geisha (a virus, I suspect); Earmark F. Snapdragon, Inventus Pedicure (penile enhancement); Ghost F. Conk and Murdoch O. Unclothing (“How to have the best sex humanly possible”. Is it wrong of me to want desperately to reply to those last guys “No thanks, I prefer sheep”?

Yesterday I bought some new PS2 games because, you know, I just don’t have QUITE ENOUGH unfinished, unplayed games sitting on the games shelf. I bought an Atari game that has all the old-school arcade and 2600 games; realistically, I don’t know how much time I’ll spend playing Centipede and Tempest when there are Final Fantasies to conquer, but it’s kinda comforting to know they’re there. Picked up Shadow Hearts: Covenant (good eye spotting that, Alan) which Best Buy had for cheap even though it came out only March 11 and Katamari Damacy of which I hadn’t heard but apparently is quite the simple-yet-addictive game of the moment. I want Xenosaga II but I’m waiting for it to come down from $50; I have too many other games to need it that badly.

As per usual whenever I spend even a shred of money on something for myself, just because I want it, bad news follows after. My allergist and my eye doctor are cutting me off of allergy meds and contact lens reorders unless I come in for updated exams. So now I get to spend most of the day Wednesday and lots of money dealing with that. It pisses me off because I loathe disruptions in my routine, I despise visiting physicians and being prodded, poked and punctured and, damn it all, I don’t NEED an exam. If my lens prescription wasn’t adequate I’d know because I wouldn’t be able to see and/or would be suffering horrendous headaches. Similar with my meds - they’re working or I wouldn’t be able to breathe. I wish they’d just let me buy what I need, already, and LEAVE. ME. ALONE. No telling how much all of this will cost - our suckbuddy insurance has no vision care provision and is a labyrinth of doesn’t pay for this, only pays half of that, doesn’t pay for care received on Tuesdays or odd-numbered Wednesdays, pays only if you’ve already paid $8,032.47 (no more no less) out-of-pocket during the previous six-point-two-five-month period...sigh. I want so badly to get all my credit cards paid off so I can do things to the house, save some money for a halfway decent vacation, evaluate the budget realistically for a new house, etc. and every single month since October, something happens to ensure that I can’t pay off 100% of any one account (there are 3 in question). I can make more than the minimum payments and have sufficient money for the physicians and eyewear, which I realize is a good thing, but I don’t have enough to pay for what I need AND eradicate at least one invoice from my life. It’s frustrating.

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!