Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs.

I just thought it needed to be said.

No, seriously, K'vitsh has me all confused and paranoid today. She posted about an article which links a woman's breast shape to her personality. First of all, I'm worried that I'm shopping in the wrong supermarkets because I have always thought that oranges and grapefruits were the same shape - that being round. How are they different? Is it size alone? I thought size wasn't supposed to matter. Are these navel oranges or satsumas or Sevilles? Do bergamots figure into this? I need clarification...

Next - pineapple? Pineapple-shaped breasts?!? That's kind of...terrifying. The first image which leapt to my mind was of pineapple slices - flat, round and with a huge hole in the middle, which would be taking this nipple-piercing trend way too far, in my opinion. But natural pineapples are covered in pointy spiky thorn things! And those spiky leaves on top that remind me of Corey Hart's hair. Frankly, that's the LAST thing I want my boobs to look like. *shudder*

I haven't been this concerned since a conversation with Bo and Matt, during which they revealed not only that some chicks have one breast conspicuously bigger than the other, which was news to me and something about which I was hitherto unaware that I should be paranoid, but moreover, that guys actually notice this - and perforce laugh about to their friends. They even named names. After that exchange, I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to see if my boobs were different sizes. I even tried to measure each circumference with a tape measure. I finally sought solace from a lady at Victoria's Secret, who reassured me and charged me $52 for a bra (hey, it was worth it, the cups were the same size).

Hmm...I think my boobs are shaped like coconuts. Only not that hard or hairy.

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!