A Relationship Milestone was reached this weekend when Alan made a journey to Cowshit, Georgia for the Official Meeting Of The Parents. Before that, though (Friday night) he came to my house for dinner and I’m pleased to report that the second time I cooked for him went much better than the first, this dinner being free of artichokes. I made New Orleans-style dirty rice with andouille sausage, so it wasn’t like there was much potential for screwing up. He brought me this frosted glass candle holder, which is very pretty.

Saturday I had to change the oil and filter in the Helmobile, so I headed for the rents to get that handled. Then Alan joined us for dinner and (drum roll) was introduced to the parental units. My mom roasted a pork tenderloin with corn-on-the-cob, potato salad and baked beans for side dishes and key lime pie for dessert (yummers). Knowing of Alan’s deep and abiding fondness for that vegetable, Mom put a single, fresh artichoke on his plate like that was all he was getting for dinner - hee hee.
The parental audition went well; we had a lot of fun. After dinner, we decided to blow up the artichoke so my mom raided her fireworks arsenal and I stuck it full of bottle rockets. My father denied all responsibility and refused to help, but I anchored the artichoke in their yard and lit the bottle rockets while my mom played with sparklers. All the bottle rockets went off, but the cursed vegetable didn’t explode. My dad took it back inside, put it in the middle of my mom’s silk flower arrangement and squirted it with aerosol cheese. I can’t understand why my mom didn’t have any M-80s; that would have shown that damn artichoke. I kinda hated to put Alan through that, but hey - if there’s not arson, explosions and incidental mayhem, it’s not an official family get-together.

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!