The Hellhole

Monday, May 03, 2010

It's been a hectic few days with the funeral stuff for my friend's dad Thursday and Friday. Then Saturday we had to go to the dealership about 45 minutes away to get my car inspected for warranty purposes. We decided to buy an extended warranty that will last several months past the financing period. It wasn't cheap but since anything that might go wrong with that car is likely to be far more expensive, it seemed like a smart investment.

What I want to vent about tonight, however, are some of the people at that funeral and what they chose to wear/deem appropriate attire for a funeral service. I realize that ladies don't have to wear hats and white gloves to church any more, and that I was raised pretty conservatively when it comes to things like that, but still. Jeans? Flip-flops? And this was not at the visitation, mind you, but the service itself. The winner, though, had to be the chick sitting across the aisle from us who chose black capri pants and a grey tee, but what swung the decision her way were the black-and-white zebra print fuck-me pumps she chose. They had four-inch heels with red soles, but I refuse to believe Christian Louboutin could be responsible for such an abomination. No pantyhose, either. She's so going to hell.

It is difficult to say which I enjoyed more: snarking on peoples' unfortunate sartorial choices or this one preacher (they had two). The first one mostly talked about Cheryl's dad, his life, his family, anecdotes. The second one, though, was the ultimate caricature of a Southern, Baptist preacher. "And JAY-SUS! SAY-ED! In my fathaaah's house there are MANY! ROOMS!" And dude had to repeat the next phrase several times: "...if it were NOT! SO! I would have told you! I WOULD! HAVE! TOLD! YOU!" It takes a certain talent to make Jesus sound like a grifter, that's all I'm sayin'. At least he wasn't wearing zebra-striped fuck-me pumps...had on a zebra-print thong though. That is, I presume he was wearing a zebra-print thong - it's not like I checked, but he looked the type.


  • I wish you had asked him if his zebra-print thong was in a knot... hehehehe

    I'm sorry about the funeral, but I'm glad you got to enjoy people watching :)

    By Anonymous Inna, at 9:20 PM  

  • Ha ha! She's doing pretty well, all things considered. I had a couple of tough moments - which it's not about me, it's about Cheryl and her family, I totally get that - but our dads were both military (different branches) so some portions of the ceremony hit very close to home. Still, I'm pretty sure no one at my dad's funeral had on a zebra-print thong. :-)

    By Blogger Helly, at 10:02 PM  

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