The Hellhole

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

This afternoon The Boss is droning on about some proposal or other he wants me to work on when he's interrupted by a phone call. I take advantage of the moment to check my e-mail, which is full of puppy pictures o'cuteness courtesy of Lynda, the breeder from whom we bought Mister Fusspot. I wish to add more puppehs to the household and Lynda is trying to help. Alan is being all sensible and practical and stuff.

The Boss ends his call and begins to discuss this project again when I say, "Wait. There is something MUCH more important here than business. PUPPIES!" and turn my computer screen so he can see it.

"Awwwwww," The Boss says. "How cute. What is he?"

"A Chihuahua, like the one we got a few months ago, only this is a little girl one. I'm going to forward this to Alan -" clickety clickety clickety - "Say, I'm going to tell Alan you said it was okay if I got another puppy, okay?"

"Sure. [pause] Hey, I don't have to pay for it, do I?!? I'm not agreeing to pay for it!"

"You're as mean as Alan," I retort.

"Whatever," replies The Boss, a cold unfeeling cog of the corporate machine. No matter; I shall try the no-pun-intended puppy dog eyes.

"I need a little girl Chihuahua. I need one or I will EXPLODE!"

"I thought you needed a Ferrari laptop or you would explode."

"Well, YES, but you got me the Ferrari laptop and so I didn't explode! See?!? The system works."

"The laptop was a write-off. Um, wasn't it? You did write off that laptop, didn't you? Anyway, I'm not buying you a puppy."

"No, no, you misunderstand me: you should buy yourself one. Didn't the girls see Beverly Hills Chihuahua? I bet they would love a sweet little Chihuahua pup."

"I'm sure [Daughter #1] and [Daughter #2] would agree with you, but --"

"I have their e-mail addresses. Alan's not the only one to whom I can forward this."

"Blackmail! This is absolute blackmail!!! How has it come to this?"

"I'm not one to point fingers, but it was you who trained me after grad school."


  • You know, instead of buying a dog, I think your boss should buy either a massage chair or a house. He'd love the massage chair. The house - well, he'd have our eternal love & devotion and someday maybe our money. But, the chair, I guarantee he'd love it right away. Hey, even better, he should buy it for the office, so everyone could use it and feel better. Then, it would be a write-off, no? We'll give him a good deal. It'll cost slightly more than the dog, but it would never ever pee or poop. Guaranteed!

    By Anonymous Flippy, at 6:21 AM  

  • Everyone needs some puppehs in their life!

    By Blogger A Margarita, at 8:52 AM  

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