Today's laugh-out-loud quote comes to you courtesy of K'vitsh, who was attempting to reassure me about her thyroid cancer: "I’m more likely to die of 42 stab wounds than this. Not just ’cause the cancer’s not aggressive, but because I piss a lot of people off."
I love K'vitsh.
And here are some jokes courtesy of Anne: HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station...
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream...
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too!"
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could keep celebrating that long?"
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked at the damage to his and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I love K'vitsh.
And here are some jokes courtesy of Anne: HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station...
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream...
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too!"
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could keep celebrating that long?"
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked at the damage to his and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
...and that's how the fight started.
**********
4 Comments:
"I AM NOT HAPPY" - made me laugh out loud, for real.
By
Anonymous Me, at 7:40 PM
I live to serve.
And someday, I'll die to amuse.
;)
By
Anonymous, at 11:55 PM
bwahaha - thanks for the giggles :)
By
Z, at 9:26 AM
Heh, funny fights. I liked the dwarf one and the disability one.
It sucks about K'vitsch's cancer, but I'm glad it's slow growing and that also people live well w/o a thyroid at all. I know a couple of people who had to have their thyroids wiped out due to various thyroid problems and have done well with replacement meds. I didn't realize that poking around in there could affect someone's voice though. Ptooey. It's lousy when our bodies start falling apart for no good reason. I hoping that my plethora of bad luck will keep away even more difficult health things. How many more meds could I possibly take? Sheesh.
LOL...my captcha is "suckylat". How appropriate.
By
Unknown, at 6:50 AM
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