The Hellhole

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I seem to confess a lot of really embarrassing things on this blog so here is another one. I talk in these voices I've invented for the pets - like if Alan says something to Finnovar, I try to guess, based on his personality, what a typical answer would be and I say it in the appropriate pet voice. For example, Finnovar likes to climb up on Alan's chest when we get into bed of an evening, and he just sits there awhile, staring. If Alan asks him something like, "What's up, buddy?" or "What are you up to?" I will do the Finn Voice and say something like, "Sucking out your soul!" or "Plotting your demise! As soon as I evolve thumbs!" Sprocket says, "Helllll no!" a lot, like when asked if he's ready for a bath or if he thinks he's had enough treats for one day. Alan picked it up, too, and will add pet commentary on occasion.

The other night I was sitting on the couch reading a book and Mister Fusspot was sitting beside me. He was lying on his back and I was scratching his belly. I left off momentarily to turn the page and then (eyes on my novel) dropped my hand back down on Mister Fusspot - right on his tiny little DOGGIE WEENUS!!! So I shrieked, in the Mister Fusspot voice, "That's a BAD touch! Stranger danger! Stranger danger!" But when I shrieked, I scared him so badly that he bolted straight up into the air, hit the floor running and ran to Alan.

I dunno, maybe only funny in a 'you had to be there' kind of way, but there you go.


  • Didn't have to be there, it's still funny. And, it seems pretty normal to me to talk in funny pet voices and sing funny songs.

    By Blogger Kitchen Vixen, at 8:15 PM  

  • Hahahaha! I think we need audio!

    By Blogger A Margarita, at 9:47 AM  

  • I do the same thing (talk in the pet voices) so obviously I think it's hilarious. Actually, it is funny as hell without doing the same thing!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:53 AM  

  • No need to be there, thanks for the laugh!!! ;)

    By Blogger Z, at 11:22 AM  

  • Some mornings when I get up, Finnovar is either at the foot of the bed or lurking in the doorway, waiting for me to trudge down the hall and distribute his morning treats. One morning, he starting meowing quite loudly as soon as I got up, and was butting the back of my leg with his head and purring. I looked over at Helly, and in the Finn voice said, "..Ah, fat one. I see you have arisen. NOW GET YOUR ASS DOWN THE HALL DISTRIBUTE TREATS!!!". Helly nearly fell out of bed because she was laughing so hard. And of course, once I gave out the morning treats, Finnovar ignored me for the rest of the day. Typical cat...

    By Blogger Alan, at 2:41 PM  

  • Note to self: do NOT, I repeat, do NOT take a sip of hot tea while reading Hellie's feed. A scalded left boob is not a good look ;-)

    By Anonymous Daisy, at 5:39 PM  

  • Thanks for your nice comments, everyone. Daisy, so VERY sorry about the boob...

    By Blogger Helly, at 9:29 PM  

  • Our pets talk too, although when I lived in SF (that was when it was just Max, my ex's Lhasa Apso), they used much more foul language. Well, before Blackjack was around, since she actually speaks for herself, and barks, and yells at the dogs/cats.

    By Blogger Flippy, at 1:49 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home