The Hellhole

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Epic Fail - I Has It

How bad has it become when one sucks even at grocery shopping? 'Cause that's the depth to which I've sunk. Saturday morning before he left for data center shift, Alan asked if I'd do the grocery run by myself - we usually shop together - because he had a lot of work to do on his school project. I said sure, glad to oblige, I'll handle it.

We were down to our last inch or so of grated Parmesan cheese and as I planned to make spaghetti this week - made it last night in fact - I needed to get more. Unfortunately, I did not buy Kraft grated Parmesan cheese. I bought reduced fat Parmesan-style grated topping cheese-like food substance.

See? Whatever it is, they can't even call it "cheese" or "processed cheese food". It's "topping". That rather frightens me.

(I am against reduced food, by the way: reduced fat, reduced sodium, reduced carbs, reduced sugar - I'd much rather just eat less of it, less often and have 100% food food.)

Next, I thought I'd buy Alan some stuff to drink. I get beers and the fancy wine, so I try to make sure he has Pelligrino, gourmet sodas and things he enjoys too. He likes this and we haven't bought any in a while so I grabbed a Limeade. The problem is that what he likes, and what we've been buying for two years or more, is the Lemonade. This particular inept purchase I made on purpose; I never dithered over it or wondered which was right, but went straight for the Limeade. I think my brain short-circuited because he's been on quite a Pelligrino kick lately, coinciding with me being on a Corona kick, so we've bought a lot of limes lately, and a standard objective of grocery shopping is to make sure there are fresh limes on hand. I guess because of this, I had limes on my mind and I never stopped to consider that I was making a mistake.

We needed a few bottles of water to tide us over until we could get by Sam's Club for a bulk items buying trip so I grabbed a six-pack. Unfortunately, I did not grab Dasani water, but Dasani grape-flavored water-based beverage. Alan reports, "To paraphrase the Ray-Ray, YUCK-O!" I tried it once I got home and I didn't think it was all that bad. I wouldn't go out of my way to re-buy it but I'll probably drink what's here instead of letting it go to waste.

What the hell? I don't down three Martinis before going grocery shopping or anything. Although, if this result is any indication, perhaps I should start. I wonder if there are olives...


  • It's very tricky because sometimes food "products" are packaged to look just like real food. Parmesan-style topping is pretty scary!

    By Blogger Nancy, at 8:37 PM  

  • It's probably the same stuff those fake bacon bits are made of, only dyed yellowish.

    By Blogger Topcat, at 9:43 PM  

  • One chef I used to work for called all the faux-bacon bits 'Facon', and I've used that term ever since. So when I would order bacon bits for the restaurant, I'd always ask for Fake-O's. The vendors knew what I meant, too.

    I think those things are made out of TVP, which is just not right on so many levels. I'm not sure what you have to do to a vegetable to get it "textured", but it can't be a good thing.

    By Blogger Alan, at 9:57 PM  

  • Mmm, I love the Limeade. The OJ, too. Haven't had the Lemonade though.

    When I give Phoenix her pills, I have to look for cheese food or cheese spread, because they fold easier around the pills. Real cheese gets too crumbly.

    By Anonymous Flippy, at 6:34 AM  

  • That "parmesan" scares me... And the flavored water? I've had it - once - and I agree with Alan - ICK!

    By Blogger Z, at 11:04 AM  

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