I left home promptly this morning and made good time on the freeway, such that it looked like I'd be at least 1/2 hour early for work. However, there is a phenomenally huge trade show in town (part of it in my building) so the closer I got to my parking deck, the worse traffic became. It was so much more awful than anything you may be imagining, a snarl of horrendous proportion. In addition to mega-trade-show traffic, which of course included out-of-town drivers unfamiliar with the area and tour buses, there were delivery trucks blocking all lanes while they executed perfect 17-point turns trying to turn into the loading dock.
When I was a couple of blocks from my building, literally within sight of it, I had to admit defeat in that, far from being 1/2 hour early, I was going to be at least 20 minutes late. I phoned The Boss to confess my tardiness as he sensibly scheduled outside meetings all day and was nowhere in the vicinity. I explained the issue, expressed how I had left in plenty of time and was Really Quite Responsible, but the trade show had befouled my schedule. I took a moment to vent to him.
Me: I mean, seriously! For the last twenty minutes I've been sitting here and I can see my office, but I can't get to it! The whole time we've been on the phone I've moved about three inches! [not much of an exaggeration - I don't think my tyres had done a complete rotation during our conversation]
The Boss: Well, why don't you try driving forward instead of just sitting there? That should get you there faster.
Me: Uh! Because there are all these idiot pedestrians and other cars and tour buses and traffic cops (who are just making a bad situation worse) and they're all in front of me blocking my way and not moving!
The Boss: I see. Better drop it into second, then.
Me: See, that's why I want a Hummer. If I had a Hummer, I would just SQUISH everything that happened to be in my way.
The Boss: Yeah!
Me: ...which is why Alan says I can never have a Hummer, because I'd only use it to squish everything that happened to be in my way.
The Boss: He never lets you have any fun.
When I was a couple of blocks from my building, literally within sight of it, I had to admit defeat in that, far from being 1/2 hour early, I was going to be at least 20 minutes late. I phoned The Boss to confess my tardiness as he sensibly scheduled outside meetings all day and was nowhere in the vicinity. I explained the issue, expressed how I had left in plenty of time and was Really Quite Responsible, but the trade show had befouled my schedule. I took a moment to vent to him.
Me: I mean, seriously! For the last twenty minutes I've been sitting here and I can see my office, but I can't get to it! The whole time we've been on the phone I've moved about three inches! [not much of an exaggeration - I don't think my tyres had done a complete rotation during our conversation]
The Boss: Well, why don't you try driving forward instead of just sitting there? That should get you there faster.
Me: Uh! Because there are all these idiot pedestrians and other cars and tour buses and traffic cops (who are just making a bad situation worse) and they're all in front of me blocking my way and not moving!
The Boss: I see. Better drop it into second, then.
Me: See, that's why I want a Hummer. If I had a Hummer, I would just SQUISH everything that happened to be in my way.
The Boss: Yeah!
Me: ...which is why Alan says I can never have a Hummer, because I'd only use it to squish everything that happened to be in my way.
The Boss: He never lets you have any fun.
2 Comments:
My sweet babygirl...if you wants a Hummer, you can HAS hummer! (It's a RULE! Whatever the sweet babygirl wants, her can has!)
momma
By
Anonymous, at 8:25 AM
I LOVE Hummers! I get such a feeling of power from looking at one, I can't imagine what driving it must be like. The power to squish bad drivers is also rather tempting.
By
A Margarita, at 3:56 PM
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