Last night I woke up at about 12:30, terribly thirsty so I got out of bed with the intention of getting myself a beverage. Alan was still up, working on the computer and when he saw me from across the hall, he called, "Is anything wrong?"

"THIRST! I have a MIGHTY THIRST!" I replied. I went to the kitchen, grabbed an ice-cold Diet Coke and pounded it in about ten seconds. I returned to bed, settled in and laid there for all of 2 minutes before realizing I was still very thirsty. This time, I fumbled around until I found the bottle of water on my nightstand, about 1/3 full. Alan called to me, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, except I'm still thirsty."

"Do you want me to get you a bottle of water from the kitchen?"

"No thank you, I have one. [gesturing to the ball of fur at my feet] I have a puppy, too, but you can't drink a puppy."

"No. No you can't."

Again I tried to return to slumber and again my thirst had not been quenched. GAH! I flung off the covers and stomped to the kitchen for a fresh bottle of water. For the next half hour or so, Alan watched in amusement as I'd drink a few sips of water, get back into bed, rustle about, get all the covers arranged just so, decide I was still thirsty and get back up for more water. Repeat, repeat, repeat until I'd finished the bottle of water.

"Do you want me to get you another water?"

"No. Wait - yes! Yes, please."

I drank about 3/4 of that bottle and after a while, Alan realized that instead of lying back down, I was just sitting on the side of the bed. He asked, "Are you still thirsty? Do you need more water?"

"No, I'm okay. I still have some water and I'm not thirsty anymore, but [much aggrieved tone] I can't go to sleep NOW."

"Why not? Wide awake?"

"No, I'm sleepy. But I can't go to sleep now because my bladder might assplode."

"What?!? Your bladder isn't going to assplode."

"Well it might. I read this article a couple of weeks ago about how people drink a lot and then they go to sleep and their bladders assplode."

"I saw that too - it was on Fark - and those people drank like 2 cases of beer in short order, passed out and the need to urinate could not penetrate their drunken stupor. Your bladder is not going to assplode."

"Beer?!? Oh, no! I had a beer too! My bladder is going to assplode for sure."

"You had a beer like six hours ago. Your bladder is not going to assplode."

"Would you still love me if my bladder assploded?"

"Hmmm, I don't know. Would it assplode all over me or would this theoretical assplosion be contained on your side of the bed?"

"That's difficult to say, but proportionally speaking, there's relatively little carbonation involved, so - my side. Yes. Almost definitely."

"Then yes, I will still love you even if your bladder assplodes. But it's not going to."

About 3:00AM, by which point we have both been asleep for some time:

"OW! My bladder!"

"That is NOT your bladder assploding. That is a cat walking across your bladder."