I had a funnier post than the one below originally planned, so here it is. I felt it was something that would not be believed without photographic proof, so armed only with my camera-phone, I took a couple of shots. Upon arriving home, I was confronted with the daunting task of shoving pictures off my RaZr phone onto the Mac Mini, which is supposed to be easy thanks to technology but Alan's always done it for me so I was perplexed. I didn't know where to start. I tried everything - by which I mean waving the RaZr phone energetically at the Mac Mini, the monitor, and the router hub antenna thingy...but as the tech-savvy among you will have already guessed, iPhoto did not magically open and display my pictures. So I e-mailed the husband, who is working this evening helping folk darned near as clueless as his wife. Maybe worse.

Note: I am not this grammatically inept. I was trying to be funny by using Cheezburger-speak.

Helly: How does I get picture from camera phone to computer? Is it a process easily explained to me or should I wait for you to do it? Can I has bluetooth?

Alan: Make sure Bluetooth is turned on on your phone first. On the Mac, click on the strange looking B in the Menu Bar. Go to Browse Device - your phone should be there, find the pictures, put them on the Mac - I think the term is Send, not sure.

[Time passes. I am thwarted. I cannot find a strange looking B, so dutifully reported my findings. Who amongst our computer geek friends can name all of the following without cheating by moving the mouse over each one? There may be a valuable prize involved.]

Helly: I don't see a strange looking B. All I gots is: a square happy face, a little AIM guy, blue eighth notes, a compass, a fox, an at sign, a calendar, a camera, a bird stamp, a big blue beach ball, a hard hat, a purple NVU, a W of rope, a box truck, a wishing well, a black monitor, a blue monitor, a apple, a X, a weird bunch of crap that says Missing Sync For Palm OS, another weird bunch of crap that says HP Device Mangler, a house, a thing that might either be a seal or a satellite dish with an at on it, a file folder and a trash can. That trash can looks pretty full, too, and remember tomorrow is garbage day.

Alan: Just leave your phone in the study with a note.

But I didn't have to because I am all enterprising! and resourceful! and S-M-R-T! and I figured out that I was looking at the wrong long-bar-of-picture-thingies. I figured it out all by myself and I copied and saved picture files personally, without Alan-Aid. (As a side note, my mother reports that 'all by myself' has always been a Very Big Thing with me, so much so that my first complete sentence was, "Do it seff!!!")

So all of that is to say (er, write) - Michael Vick called me today. I didn't think anyone would believe it without photographic proof so I took a couple shots of my office phone's caller i.d. screen. I can only surmise his motives, but I presume he heard (or read) through the grapevine of my extreme displeasure and Irish-redhead-anger at him and therefore my resultant nefarious plot to have him kidnapped, covered in gravy and mauled by a pack of vicious pit Shih-Tzus, which plot was a kinder, gentler, more liberal version of my original plan to have him forced to fight to the death in a dirt pit against a meth-crazed street thug (and believe me, I've got friends in some VERY low places, heh) and then run through a commercial extruder, which is in my opinion the only proper culmination for those who abuse and mistreat animals. I guess he wanted to apologize and/or plead for mercy or otherwise try to justify his actions in hopes of somehow avoiding my wrath, but really, as much as I love animals, is there ANYTHING that can be said at this point to avert a horrible, painful fate? No, not really, and I guess something in his twisted, craven heart recognized the futility of pleading and he hung up in my ear. Vicious AND ill-mannered?!? To the deepest pit of hell with him! There shall! be! no! mercy!

Make a donation to your local humane society or to my friend's animal rescue, and I'll tell you the numbers that the 'censored' labels are hiding, and you can harass him at your leisure.