Hearing about how other people handle finances fascinates me. Recently the deejays on morning radio were talking about this and people called in to report. Results ranged from couples who kept totally separate accounts to couples who had one person handling all the money/bills/savings, and everything in between. That didn’t particularly surprise me - it makes sense if one person is better with money, more organized, whatever, while if you tend to argue about spending, keeping ‘his’ and ‘her’ money segregated alleviates a lot of issues.
What surprised me was how many people (mostly guys) got a fixed allowance. A deejay related that his wife gave him X amount per week out of which he bought gas, lunch, cigarettes, a soda or candy bar at the convenience store, etc. He wasn’t mad or resentful about it at all; he explained that he was simply no good with money and how unless she did that, he would go through a few hundred dollars in a week with no idea how he’d spent it. This seems quite common, although the weekly allowance varied in range quite a bit.
Also very common, yet surprising to me, was that many people, whether their accounts were combined or not, had instituted the practice of setting a limit on what could be spent without the other party’s permission ($50 and $100 were the oft-mentioned amounts). That seems kind of weird to me. I mean, I wouldn’t buy a new television without telling Alan nor would he casually mention over dinner that earlier he’d spent $3,000 on a new computer, but with us it’s never been a question of asking permission; things just come up in conversation. We are aware of even the minor amounts the other is spending, not because it must be ‘submitted for your approval’ but through casual, non-money-related discussions. For example, he’ll say that we need to incorporate a trip to the mall in our weekend plans because his tennis shoes are wearing out, so I’ll know he’s going to spend a hundred bucks or so on some new Nikes. He knew I was going to spend $20 on a DVD because I said, “I’ll be home a bit late because Aqua Teens comes out today so I’m going to stop by Best Buy.”
When we were engaged/living together, we kept separate bank accounts and each paid our own personal bills such as cell phones, credit cards, car payments. I paid all of the ‘shared’ bills like the mortgage, electricity, phone, then gave him a spreadsheet detailing those amounts and he'd pay me his half. When buying groceries, we had an unofficial arrangement of switching off - one week he’d pay, the next week I would, but we weren’t obsessive about it. For example, if I knew he’d just put new tyres on his car, I’d pay even if it was “his” week and he’d do the same when I had unexpected expenses.
Alan and I never got into much financial nit-picking. We have a very similar outlook on spending/saving, what is or is not reasonable. Whatever the household bills were, we each paid half - for example, I never refused to pay half the phone bill because he was the one who wanted high-speed DSL nor did he refuse to pay half the satellite because I was the one who wanted the expanded sports pack for hockey. We took turns at groceries by paying the entire bill; he didn’t refuse to pay for my wine on the basis that he doesn’t drink, nor did I pick out the bread, lunch meat and snacks he took to work because I wasn’t going to consume any of it. That level of nit-picking seems stupid to me; if you’re a couple, you’re a couple - but I know at least one couple who does that and I suppose if people’s spending habits or incomes are very disparate, or if one has a very expensive hobby, then other arrangements make more sense.
We always planned to merge accounts once we got married, although we just got round to doing so last week. I’ll be the one paying all the bills and managing the money, not because of any control issue on my part or financial irresponsibility on his, but hey, I do it for a living - and I’m good at it. But it’s not like he’s not going to be “allowed” to buy things he needs/wants without consulting me - that seems rather insulting.
One of my friends is in a long-term relationship where they totally do NOT see eye-to-eye on the money. They split the bills, but do so by each paying 100% of certain things, like he pays the mortgage, she pays gas, electricity and water. It works out mathematically that each contributes roughly half to the mutual household, but every time they argue, no matter what the argument is about, sooner or later he holds it over her that it’s his house because he pays the mortgage. If it were me, I’d remind him that his house would be awfully hot, dark and stinky without MY water and electricity, but that's just me. I have another friend whose husband pays all the household bills and gives her a monthly allowance out of which she pays for the kids’ sports, school activities, her clothes, haircuts, etc. That seems to work okay for them in general, although she worries a lot about her budget and hates asking him for more if she runs short because he kinda grills her on why/how it was spent and generally gives her a hard time, though he never refuses. I think he does so because he believes she’s careless with funds but he doesn't realize how quickly and easily you can run through large amounts with multiple school-age, sports-playing children.
If you’re part of a couple, how do you handle finances?
What surprised me was how many people (mostly guys) got a fixed allowance. A deejay related that his wife gave him X amount per week out of which he bought gas, lunch, cigarettes, a soda or candy bar at the convenience store, etc. He wasn’t mad or resentful about it at all; he explained that he was simply no good with money and how unless she did that, he would go through a few hundred dollars in a week with no idea how he’d spent it. This seems quite common, although the weekly allowance varied in range quite a bit.
Also very common, yet surprising to me, was that many people, whether their accounts were combined or not, had instituted the practice of setting a limit on what could be spent without the other party’s permission ($50 and $100 were the oft-mentioned amounts). That seems kind of weird to me. I mean, I wouldn’t buy a new television without telling Alan nor would he casually mention over dinner that earlier he’d spent $3,000 on a new computer, but with us it’s never been a question of asking permission; things just come up in conversation. We are aware of even the minor amounts the other is spending, not because it must be ‘submitted for your approval’ but through casual, non-money-related discussions. For example, he’ll say that we need to incorporate a trip to the mall in our weekend plans because his tennis shoes are wearing out, so I’ll know he’s going to spend a hundred bucks or so on some new Nikes. He knew I was going to spend $20 on a DVD because I said, “I’ll be home a bit late because Aqua Teens comes out today so I’m going to stop by Best Buy.”
When we were engaged/living together, we kept separate bank accounts and each paid our own personal bills such as cell phones, credit cards, car payments. I paid all of the ‘shared’ bills like the mortgage, electricity, phone, then gave him a spreadsheet detailing those amounts and he'd pay me his half. When buying groceries, we had an unofficial arrangement of switching off - one week he’d pay, the next week I would, but we weren’t obsessive about it. For example, if I knew he’d just put new tyres on his car, I’d pay even if it was “his” week and he’d do the same when I had unexpected expenses.
Alan and I never got into much financial nit-picking. We have a very similar outlook on spending/saving, what is or is not reasonable. Whatever the household bills were, we each paid half - for example, I never refused to pay half the phone bill because he was the one who wanted high-speed DSL nor did he refuse to pay half the satellite because I was the one who wanted the expanded sports pack for hockey. We took turns at groceries by paying the entire bill; he didn’t refuse to pay for my wine on the basis that he doesn’t drink, nor did I pick out the bread, lunch meat and snacks he took to work because I wasn’t going to consume any of it. That level of nit-picking seems stupid to me; if you’re a couple, you’re a couple - but I know at least one couple who does that and I suppose if people’s spending habits or incomes are very disparate, or if one has a very expensive hobby, then other arrangements make more sense.
We always planned to merge accounts once we got married, although we just got round to doing so last week. I’ll be the one paying all the bills and managing the money, not because of any control issue on my part or financial irresponsibility on his, but hey, I do it for a living - and I’m good at it. But it’s not like he’s not going to be “allowed” to buy things he needs/wants without consulting me - that seems rather insulting.
One of my friends is in a long-term relationship where they totally do NOT see eye-to-eye on the money. They split the bills, but do so by each paying 100% of certain things, like he pays the mortgage, she pays gas, electricity and water. It works out mathematically that each contributes roughly half to the mutual household, but every time they argue, no matter what the argument is about, sooner or later he holds it over her that it’s his house because he pays the mortgage. If it were me, I’d remind him that his house would be awfully hot, dark and stinky without MY water and electricity, but that's just me. I have another friend whose husband pays all the household bills and gives her a monthly allowance out of which she pays for the kids’ sports, school activities, her clothes, haircuts, etc. That seems to work okay for them in general, although she worries a lot about her budget and hates asking him for more if she runs short because he kinda grills her on why/how it was spent and generally gives her a hard time, though he never refuses. I think he does so because he believes she’s careless with funds but he doesn't realize how quickly and easily you can run through large amounts with multiple school-age, sports-playing children.
If you’re part of a couple, how do you handle finances?
6 Comments:
I maintain the budget at our house so I am the gatekeeper of the funds. We will tell each other that we're going to spend something (I think the unspoken rule is something over $20) but there's no permission asking.
I remember a relationship where a guy would spend money on me then bitch about it. Fortunately I had enough sense to GTFO.
-Sandy
By
Topcat, at 1:16 PM
I'm not in a relationship but I'll just say that when I lived in Japan where most of my students were homemakers, the women controlled all the money. None of the men I talked to minded this arrangement. The women ran the household and it made sense that they would control the money.
By
basil, at 3:37 PM
Very interesting topic!
We've always dumped our checks into a joint checking account and paid the bills out of that. We used to pay the bills together but that was very tedious because we have such different methods and he never wanted to get around to it until like 10:30 at night after I was already half asleep. So he took over the billpaying for years, and then I started doing it because I felt like I wasn't sharing enough of the chores and that seemed less onerous than cleaning more. As for big expenses, well, it pissed me off that time he announced that he was buying a $900 riding mower back when we were poorer and I thought I should have been consulted. I think that came up again one time, a really large expense. And he used to be very annoyed by my freer spending habits. Now we're better off financially and don't bother each other about our personal spending because we can live within our means even though I need a lot more restaurant meals than he does. The "allowance" concept strikes me as very condescending. We still use the joint checking for paying bills, and the majority of our savings is joint, except for retirement. He bought some apple stock just in his name. I received a small inheritance that's just in mine. I have a little checking account in my name where my half dot com proceeds go right now to keep it separate. I have money hidden in the house where only I know where it is, but I wouldn't use it for only me. It's like money to use if we ever have to flee the country or something. I like money. I seemed to like having it just slightly more than spending it, although I do enjoy both quite a lot.
By
Anonymous Me, at 5:58 PM
Sandy, that must have been annoying. Good thing you kicked him to the curb.
Interesting, Basil - I'd have guessed the exact opposite to be the norm in Japan.
Nancy - exactly, "condescending". You nailed in one word what I fumbled for 2 paragraphs to try to express.
I hope more people chime in - this is an interesting subject to me.
By
Helly, at 7:43 AM
We have a one income household. The money is all "ours" and goes in a joint account even though only one of us actually brings home a check. Pretty much all of our spending is done jointly. I do pay the bills and do most of the 'keeping track' and 'planning' aspects. Neither of has a personal allowance and we pretty much discuss anything we're going to buy unless it's obviously a need. We're both rather poor money managers but since we really don't have any left to manage after living expenses come out, it hasn't been a source of marital conflict.
By
Still Trying, at 10:07 AM
When I was part of a couple, I usually did the grocery shopping and paid the bills so I just kept a spreadsheet for all the major things: weekly groceries, electric, cable, etc. and then we'd take that out of half my share of the rent. As for dinners, we'd take turns picking up the tab but we were never that nitpicky. We each made our own money so we were free to spend on whatever we wanted as long as our bills and rent got paid, hehe.
By
A Margarita, at 6:44 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home