The Hellhole

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

You know who I really miss? Jackyl. There was a band who really did it right: metal, big hair and chainsaws. Who could ask for anything more? Oh, wait, that’s Gershwin. Ah well, Jackyl always did remind me of Gershwin. Wow, Jackyl is apparently on tour this summer. That’s either way kickin’ or way sad. Hmmm...nope, way sad is that Blue Oyster Cult’s still touring. Sometimes you’ve just gotta know when to let go - don’t fear the reaper, dudes.

One-hit Wonders I really liked: The Refreshments ("Banditos"), Proclaimers ("500 Miles"), The Verve ("Bittersweet Symphony"), Modern English ("Melt With You"), Soft Cell ("Tainted Love")

One-hit Wonders that I’m glad went away: Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians ("What I Am"), Right Said Fred ("I’m Too Sexy"), Ghost Town DJs ("My Boo"), Joan Osborne ("One of Us")

Wonders ‘why?’ and wishes they’d go away: Nelly, Pristina Gaguilera, The Darkness, Ja Rule, Robbie Williams. I didn’t mention J-Lo and peppy pop pretty-boy bands because they simply don’t enter into it; I was thinking of “music”. Although I’d love to take credit for it, I stole “Pristina Gaguilera” from Eminem in The Slim Shady Show. Despite my legendary hatred of them, Pearl Jam isn’t on the “wish they’d go away” list. That’s because I’m sure Eddy Vedder’s going to die of terminal angst soon anyway and I don’t want to add insult to injury.

Of course, the all-time god of one-hit wonders has to be the genius Carl Douglas, who brought us “Kung Fu Fighting”. I actually own that song on a CD.

They were funky Chinamen from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It's an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

[Come on, everybody sing it with me now!]
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said “Here comes the big boss, lets get it on!”
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand new trip -

“Ha HA!” I say, as I laugh at you all, knowing that you will spend the entire day with “Kung Fu Fighting” stuck in your heads. Just count yourselves lucky I didn’t say anything about “Dream Weaver” - ooooooh dreeeeam weavah, I believe you can get me through the ni-hiight! ooh-hoo dreeeam weavah, I believe we can reach the morning li-hiight!

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