The Hellhole

Sunday, April 05, 2015

The other night, after dinner...

Alan:  What are you watching?

Me:  I'm not sure.  It's whatever movie was on the station after you turned off the DVR.  [We always watch Jeopardy! during dinner.]

Pause while we watch a few minutes.   

Me:  If I had to guess, I'd say it was The Amazing Spider-Man.  [I click the 'info' button, and indeed, I am correct.]

I then point the remote and start to surf.

Alan:  No, no, you don't have to do that.  I don't like superhero movies but you do - it's totally okay for you to watch it!  I'm going to go do schoolwork anyway.

Me: Ugh!  I said, it's The Amazing Spider-Man!

Alan:  [blank]

Me:  I only like REAL Spider-Man!

Alan:  [blank]

Me:  SAM RAIMI Spider-Man!

Alan:  [blank]

Me:  Well it's not the same thing AT ALL!

Alan:  [Oh no, holy shit, she's off again...]

Me:  In Sam Raimi's Spider Man Peter's web-shooters are an organic mutation from the radioactive spider bite, not a mechanical invention, and his parents are just dead, not because of an OsCorp conspiracy, and Norman Osborn wears a mechanical suit to be Green Goblin, he doesn't undergo a biological transformation, and Peter loves Mary Jane Watson, MJ, not Gwen Stacy, and he totally works freelance for J. Jonah Jameson at the Daily Bugle which isn't even mentioned until---are you even LISTENING to me?

Alan:  Of course I am.  You're right, Sheldon.  I mean, sweetheart.


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