The Hellhole

Friday, December 19, 2008

Me and my little niece Eliza at the Bowman family Christmas party. She was pleased that she wore silver shoes and I wore gold shoes.

Next, a Christmas meme via Cheryl:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Totally wrapping paper. I love wrapping gifts and making pretty packages. That's my favorite part, far more than the "guessing wrongly the taste of others" part. (I stole that phrase from Nancy some years ago - I can't remember if it's a quote from somewhere else or a Nancy original.) Here are two of my favorite wrappening efforts, one from 2006 and one from this year.

2. Real tree or artificial? We don't put up a tree. If I did, I'd go real, no question. But when I first lived in my own house alone, I didn't have the budget to buy a tree and lights and decorations AND gifts, so the tree was never done. Now, well, if we had kids or held holiday parties (instead of going to other peoples') I'd do one but since we don't, it just seems like more time and energy than I can muster.

3. When do you put up the tree? See above - no tree.

4. When do you take the tree down? No putting up = no messy takedown so I'm ahead on this one.

5. Do you like eggnog? I totally LOVE eggnog. The only thing better than eggnog: Jagernog. Mix about 3/4 eggnog with 1/4 Jagermeister and the result: delicious goodness beyond any dream of ambrosia. I didn't invent Jagernog; Bo and Matt did. We were all at the 'rents hanging out, the 'rents had gone to bed and Bo and Matt came running into the den from the kitchen, insisting that I had to taste this drink they proffered me in a cup. Now, I'm no fool. I was sure they'd mixed together the nastiest concoction they could think of, hoping I was tipsy enough to drink it. At worst, they'd probably spit into my share. I refused and a debate ensued - no, it's really good vs. I don't believe you, YOU drink it. Finally one of them (I don't remember which but I think Matt) said, "Okay, I'll drink it!" and drained the cup. At that point, I suspended my belief that a sibling trick was being played and tried lovely, lovely, silky, creamy, delightfully intoxicating Jagernog. Mmmmm......Jagernog.....

Favorite gift received as a child? Koko the koala bear who was made from real fur (fuck you, PETA!) and had a music box in his tummy which played "Waltzing Matilda". I still have him. Once on summer vacation, en route to Daytona Beach, my parents had to turn around below Macon and return to Atlanta because my mother had FORGOTTEN TO PACK KOKO! The horror...the horror...

Hardest person to buy for? Cheryl. No matter what I get her or how cool I think I've done, she totally blows me away with the perfection and wonderfulness of her gifts. Like, I buy her a sweater, a piece of jewelry she wanted and some DVDs the same year she gets me a first-edition James Joyce 'cause "Oh, yeah, I thought you liked that Irish guy, but since I found it for ten cents at a garage sale I had to get you all this other stuff too! Since you're into King Crimson, I got them to sign these albums for you, but don't worry I got all of them on CD too so you wouldn't have to actually play the records, and..." Alan says I shouldn't feel badly, because Cheryl has a special extra friendship gene to which mere mortals cannot aspire.

8. Easiest person to buy for? My mom. Even if I don't have something particular in mind, I know I will see clothes, jewelry or books that would appeal to her.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? I don't but Alan has a wee one.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I don't send them out regularly or on a large scale, just a handful to farther-flung friends, but when I do it's the old USPS.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My mind reels with the proliferation of possible replies.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story, always and forever. You'll put your eye out! If we have a media room/rec room when we move (if we EVER sell this freakin' house) I'm TOTALLY buying a leg lamp. But you can't touch - it's fra-jeee-lay.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I used to be better about it, and start my internet/catalog ordering in October, but I seem to be later and later each year. This year we hadn't done anything until the 1st weekend in December, and between Amazon and a mall visit, we knocked 85% of it out then. I want to be more organized about it, but life and stuff keeps getting in my way.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Hasn't everyone?!? During the brief period that I had a housemate, she and I brought home the useless, impersonal office gifts we each got, switched, and rewrapped them for gifting at the other person's office. Except for that, most of the time I just hand it off honestly, like, "[Someone] gave me this sweater which I like but the color looks awful on me; I think it'd be lovely with your eyes - would you like it?"

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mom's cooking. Whatever she cooks. She'll usually do a turkey breast, her special pate, sausage-and-cheese dip, little smokies wieners in a tangy sauce...Christmas is generally buffet-style and full of deliciousness. Oooh, and smoked oysters which she doesn't actually make, but just sets out on a Christmas-tree shaped plate (and which I, in a typical demonstration of my refined, genteel and sophisticated upbringing refer to as 'ogre boogers' - 'cause, y'know, that's kinda what they look like. I'm just sayin'.).

16. Lights on the tree? Tree? What tree?

17. Favorite Christmas song? “Christmas In Hollis” by Run-DMC

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We don't travel in the sense of airports, trains, major distance and big upheaval. My family lives about 20 minutes away and Alan's family lives about 2 hours away. So for his fam, we do travel but not nearly as far or as arduous as most people mean by that term, I think.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Yes, and all the dwarfs, and all 7 deadly sins, though I prefer to think of the deadly sins as just a few favorite hobbies.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Again with the trees?!?

21. Open presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning, like everyone else who isn't a total HELL-BOUND HEATHEN COMMUNIST. Who can listen to Crash Davis's speech in "Bull Durham" and even think of opening presents any time but Christmas morning?

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Um, this time of year? (to be fair, answer stolen from Cheryl)

23. This year's theme or color? We have a "Bah Humbug" banner augmented by a Grinch Christmas card from the Maynards. Does that count as a theme?

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? More Chihuahuas. I love puppehs. I'd want perfume if they made one in new puppeh smell. A pony. Every year I ask Santa for a pony, and every year that fat jolly bastard doesn't bring me one. (In all fairness, this may be because of my naughtiness.) I want books and DVDs and CDs and...I want a feast! I want a bean feast, cream buns and doughnuts so good you could go nuts, and fruitcake with no nuts! I want the world, I want the whole world! I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it's my bar of chocolate...ahem, sorry, just channeling Veruca Salt there for a moment...

26. What do you like most about Christmas? Jagernog. I thought I'd made that clear -??? Oh, and pressies. Whoever said 'tis better to give than receive was a vermicious knid.


  • Ahh, the Jagernog! That does bring back some memories. And to think, it sounds so disgusting (like ranch dressing on chili covered hashbrowns at the Waffle House), but it is oh, oh so delicious. I haven't made that in a long time, maybe this year I'll mix up a batch!

    By Anonymous Matt, at 2:56 AM  

  • I need some of that Jagernog. Too bad tomorrow is Sunday and the liquor store is closed.

    By Blogger Nancy, at 9:08 PM  

  • Christmas is full of anxiety for me because I get all nervous trying to find good gifts for everyone. I'm especially great at guessing wrongly for my husband. The Jagernog sounds like a good antidote. That was my theme this year; everyone (except Brenden, he's getting his choo-choo) is getting liquor.

    That reminds me: at that price I know why they call that whiskey "THE Glenlivet".


    By Blogger Topcat, at 12:30 PM  

  • Glad to see this.

    Merry christmas.

    By Anonymous learn chinese, at 12:58 AM  

  • Mmmm, gotta love the eggnog!

    And your wrapping efforts? Wow, seriously impressive. It looks professional. Hehe, I think gift bags are a cop out for lazy people.

    By Blogger A Margarita, at 9:56 AM  

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