I want desperately to write something funny but nothing much has happened. I've had to go to Company HQ, located in a city 65 miles from home, and be there during regular business hours for two days in a row which means I am extremely tired. Basically, I got nothin', but I'll try.
Some items of HellSpeak which might amuse you: on the rare occasions that Sprocket is allowed outside the house, under supervision of course, he is not put on a "leash" but on his "pup-string". He has a love/hate relationship with the pup-string; on the one hand, it promises an adventure but on the other, he is held captive by it. (Much like the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes marriage. Ha.)
Secondly, I almost never refer to the stuff in the bathroom with which you wipe your bum as "toilet paper" or "bathroom tissue". Whether I need to restock the bathrooms from the shelves in the garage or put it on the shopping list, ever since the airing of "The Great Cornholio" in 1994 (aired Friday, July 15, 1994, not that I am a veritable font of useless information or anything) I have consistently referred to this item as *in a Beavis voice* "tpformybunghole!" Feel free to ask my mother about the great maternal pride she felt when, during a trip to the grocery store (by which time I was at least thirty), we wound up on the paper towel/bath tissue aisle and I yanked the neck of my (thankfully mid-calf length) dress over the back my head and marched up and down said aisle demanding "TP for my bunghole!", announcing "I am CORNHOLIO!" and asking "Are you threatening me?!?" Of course I would cease this behaviour instantly upon anyone else turning down the aisle, so all the other customers saw was my mother writhing in uncontrollable laughter, looking like she might be having a seizure. Seriously, she will confirm this.
Next, a bizarre and funny item I saw courtesy of my friend Phil's blog (link at right): cheezburger in a can.
Lastly, something I saw posted on a message board. I found it hysterically, insert-your-superlative-here funny, but it is rather religiously offensive. So I have written it in white text, and you can highlight it to read if you are not the thin-skinned, easily offended, readily insulted type. If you are, and you read it anyway, don't send me hate mail because I issued fair warning.
Post #1: WWJD?
Post #2: "What would Jesus do?" Well, what Jesus did got his ass crucified so he might not be the best person to emulate.
Some items of HellSpeak which might amuse you: on the rare occasions that Sprocket is allowed outside the house, under supervision of course, he is not put on a "leash" but on his "pup-string". He has a love/hate relationship with the pup-string; on the one hand, it promises an adventure but on the other, he is held captive by it. (Much like the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes marriage. Ha.)
Secondly, I almost never refer to the stuff in the bathroom with which you wipe your bum as "toilet paper" or "bathroom tissue". Whether I need to restock the bathrooms from the shelves in the garage or put it on the shopping list, ever since the airing of "The Great Cornholio" in 1994 (aired Friday, July 15, 1994, not that I am a veritable font of useless information or anything) I have consistently referred to this item as *in a Beavis voice* "tpformybunghole!" Feel free to ask my mother about the great maternal pride she felt when, during a trip to the grocery store (by which time I was at least thirty), we wound up on the paper towel/bath tissue aisle and I yanked the neck of my (thankfully mid-calf length) dress over the back my head and marched up and down said aisle demanding "TP for my bunghole!", announcing "I am CORNHOLIO!" and asking "Are you threatening me?!?" Of course I would cease this behaviour instantly upon anyone else turning down the aisle, so all the other customers saw was my mother writhing in uncontrollable laughter, looking like she might be having a seizure. Seriously, she will confirm this.
Next, a bizarre and funny item I saw courtesy of my friend Phil's blog (link at right): cheezburger in a can.
Lastly, something I saw posted on a message board. I found it hysterically, insert-your-superlative-here funny, but it is rather religiously offensive. So I have written it in white text, and you can highlight it to read if you are not the thin-skinned, easily offended, readily insulted type. If you are, and you read it anyway, don't send me hate mail because I issued fair warning.
Post #1: WWJD?
Post #2: "What would Jesus do?" Well, what Jesus did got his ass crucified so he might not be the best person to emulate.
1 Comments:
It was a while before I was comfortable in the Kroger again..after the 'Cornholio' episode..every word she wrote about that is truth. every word.
I love the 'hidden' comment!
momma
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Anonymous, at 9:14 AM
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