What do you do with a drunken geezer?

*singing* What do you do with a drunken geezer, what do you do with a drunken geezer, early in the mornin'? (<--- it's the same tune as "Drunken Sailor"). Sandy came to town this weekend to visit Mark and Nancy - Sandy, being barely forty, is not the drunken geezer in the title, who doesn't come into the story until later - so Alan and I made plans to go to Athens, about 40 miles away, and spend the weekend so we could see Sandy too. Alan, Sandy, Mark and Nancy have been friends since college; in fact, Sandy introduced Mark and Nancy (and of course Nancy introduced Alan and me, so it's all a tangled, twisted web). Sandy brought her 18-month-old son, Brenden, whom none of us had met before. She came up for our wedding, but I was so focused on speaking to/thanking everyone, I didn't get to talk that extensively with any one person, so I was looking forward to some Sandy time too.

Alan and I decided to make it a mini-break and stay in a nice hotel instead of driving back and forth; what with the price of gas these days, we probably broke even or maybe saved a little. There is a brand-new Hilton Garden Inn in downtown Athens, where Alan made arrangements to stay. It was very beautifully appointed, spotlessly clean (that's a very big thing with me) and had many nice features, like a Philips flat-screen tv in the room. We liked it and will probably stay there again later in the month, when we will be in Athens late, late into the night as my brother and his lovely wife make their new band's debut at a record release party (see Valentine Wolfe link, right).

When we went downtown to the hotel to check in and dump our bags, there were two geezer couples in the lobby. One couple had arrived earlier than the other, and apparently they were old friends. Drunken Geezer, wearing Nike golf socks with his highly polished Bass loafers, was hollering across to the other fellow, "I DONE CHECKED YOU IN! I CHECKED YOUR NAME OFF ALREADY!" This was a wonder to the other guy, who kept saying things like "Did you really?", "You've checked me in already?", "Have you checked us in?" which queries were met with enthusiastic bonhomie from Drunken Geezer. These guys were like the drunken frat boys who never move more than 10 feet from the keg at a Pike mixer, only fast-forwarded 45 years. It was about 3:30 in the afternoon, and I was getting drunk off the bourbon fumes shooting across the lobby on Drunken Geezer's breath (I'm not kidding. And I don't even like bourbon). We settled our business, headed back to Mark & Nancy's to hang out and have dinner.

After an extremely fun evening , we returned to the hotel and a dark blue Lexus SUV motored unsteadily into the parking lot after us. It was more drunken geezers! The drunkest one this time was a Lady Geezer, who had on so much perfume that you could almost see a poofy cloud surrounding her, like Pig-Pen in the Peanuts comics. I refused to get on the elevator after her - the funk was too intense - and instead wound my way down the parking deck. We caught up to her in the lobby and she was LOUD. There was nearly An Incident with a rolling luggage rack. It was scary.

It turned out that all these drunken geezers were in town because not one, not two, not three, but FOUR weddings were taking place in the hotel and in the Classic Center across the street. Still, I was quite affronted. What good are the elderly, if they're not going to set a good example for me whilst I'm young and impressionable?!? There was much merry-making, door-slamming, whooping, hollering and loud partying going on at the Hilton, and except for the ring-bearers and flower girls, we were the youngest people at the hotel. I found it quite undignified behaviour from these people. I frowned disapprovingly as I purchased a Diet Coke from the vending machine, and said, "Old people, these days. No respect, no respect at all, not like when I was a girl..." but they were all so drunk they didn't pay any attention to me (at least once they'd ascertained that I didn't have any bourbon).

Today, we hung out with Sandy until she had to leave to return to Alabama. Nancy's mom treated everyone to lunch at Loco's - well, everyone but Anthony, who was napping. After that, Alan and I met up with Bo and Sarah for drinks and snacks at East-West Bistro and had a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon of great company and great conversation. About midway through our sojourn, we saw two young men walking down the sidewalk. Something seemed to be amiss, and indeed, right in front of the picture window and patio tables belonging to East-West, one of the young men stopped and vomited onto the sidewalk. I don't mean he choked a bit, I don't mean his tummy heaved a little, I mean he horror-movie hurled onto the sidewalk, staggered a few steps and hurled some more. And some more. And then some.

I blame those Drunken Geezers. I mean, how is that young man - or his contemporaries - ever to learn proper comportment and respectable behaviour what with sexagenarians running drunkenly amok in hotels, going wild and raising hell? I declare, I don't know what the world is coming to, what with older people these days.