Normally I avoid posting about politics and religion but this is, although religion-related, funny. The Boss gave me a list of his favorite Bible verses and asked me to print them onto little cards and laminate them. Regardless of your thoughts on religion, I found it a fun, creative diversion. He told me to use this spare Bible that was in his credenza but once I got started, I was confused. I thought I knew the standard Protestant version of the 23rd Psalm, and this wasn’t it. I called him and the following exchange ensued:
Me: about those Bible verses you wanted me to type? Are you sure this is the Bible you wanted me to use? - because it’s really really different from what I was expecting - like the 23rd Psalm says, "Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need! He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams." I was sorta expecting lots of 'makeths' and 'haveths' - weren’t you?
The Boss: No, sorry, I didn’t realize. I don’t like these updated modern versions. We need a King James Version.
Me: Okay. Are you going to bring me one or should I try online?
The Boss: [suspiciously, wondering if I might be a minion of Satan] I could, but don’t YOU have a Bible?
Me: Not one like that. In mine, Psalm 23 is "On the first day of the week, a psalm for David. The earth is the Lord's and the fulness thereof: the world, and all they that dwell therein, For he hath founded it upon the seas; and hath prepared it in the rivers".
The Boss: What is that? Where did it come from?
Me: I have a Catholic [Douay-Rheims] Bible. It’s way different from yours. [smug and boastful] Mine has LOTS of books you don’t.
The Boss: What do you mean, it has books I don’t?
Me: We get more books of the Bible than you do.
The Boss: How could there be MORE books? I don’t understand. What are you talking about?
Me: We have lots more stuff in ours than you guys - like, oh, Tobit, Wisdom, First and Second Maccabees, and...some extra prophets and stuff.
The Boss: [in mock outrage] What, have y’all been HIDING THEM?!?
Me: Yeah. We keep ‘em in the Vatican.
The Boss: Ohhhh.
Me: I really shouldn’t have told a Presbyterian. Promise you won’t tell.
The Boss: [singsong] You’re gonna get in TRU-bull! You’re gonna get in TRU-bull!
Me: about those Bible verses you wanted me to type? Are you sure this is the Bible you wanted me to use? - because it’s really really different from what I was expecting - like the 23rd Psalm says, "Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need! He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams." I was sorta expecting lots of 'makeths' and 'haveths' - weren’t you?
The Boss: No, sorry, I didn’t realize. I don’t like these updated modern versions. We need a King James Version.
Me: Okay. Are you going to bring me one or should I try online?
The Boss: [suspiciously, wondering if I might be a minion of Satan] I could, but don’t YOU have a Bible?
Me: Not one like that. In mine, Psalm 23 is "On the first day of the week, a psalm for David. The earth is the Lord's and the fulness thereof: the world, and all they that dwell therein, For he hath founded it upon the seas; and hath prepared it in the rivers".
The Boss: What is that? Where did it come from?
Me: I have a Catholic [Douay-Rheims] Bible. It’s way different from yours. [smug and boastful] Mine has LOTS of books you don’t.
The Boss: What do you mean, it has books I don’t?
Me: We get more books of the Bible than you do.
The Boss: How could there be MORE books? I don’t understand. What are you talking about?
Me: We have lots more stuff in ours than you guys - like, oh, Tobit, Wisdom, First and Second Maccabees, and...some extra prophets and stuff.
The Boss: [in mock outrage] What, have y’all been HIDING THEM?!?
Me: Yeah. We keep ‘em in the Vatican.
The Boss: Ohhhh.
Me: I really shouldn’t have told a Presbyterian. Promise you won’t tell.
The Boss: [singsong] You’re gonna get in TRU-bull! You’re gonna get in TRU-bull!
6 Comments:
May I ask why he wants his bible verses laminated?
By the way, I'm gonna tell the Pope that you revealed Catholic secrets. We're very close, Herr Pope and I.
By
Anonymous, at 7:10 PM
I sent you a more detailed answer via e-mail, but the public answer, for anyone else who's interested, is he wants some cards w/verses on them from which to randomly choose his private, daily devotional.
By
Helly, at 7:46 PM
I have -lots- of Bibles. What kind do you want? I even have one in Korean. And, yes, I have a King James (red-letter version).
I also have Bhagavad-Gita, the I Ching and the Egyptian Book of the Dead among assorted others like some Tina Chopp tracts and Principia Discordia...
I bet Alan has even -more-. I was always so envious of his religious documents collection!
By
Anonymous, at 10:54 PM
The book I have has hieroglyphics in it, often with a literal translation running beneath. This site has the translation, but not the hieroglyphics:
http://www.sacred-texts.com/egy/ebod/
By
Anonymous, at 11:57 PM
The Maccabees, weren't they the 2nd century Scottish brothers who wrote all those drinking songs and filthy limericks? Or am I thinking of somebody else?
That conversation was hilarious, by the way!
By
Anonymous Me, at 9:03 AM
Too funny, Nancy!
By
Helly, at 12:00 PM
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