Dear Allergy Gods,
I am writing to thank you for the New Special Added Bonus Feature you installed this weekend. Quite frankly, the constantly dripping nose, the sudden violent sneezing attacks and the bloodshot eyes that make me look like I’ve just smoked a bale of Jamaican were becoming rather tedious and boring after thirty-odd years. But this! I don’t know how to express my delight and pleasure at the new development - A Nosebleed A Day! It is both exciting and suspenseful: when will it appear? How long will it last?
And debuting this feature while I was dining at a restaurant - pure genius! Not only was I embarrassed but scores of patrons were doubtless disgusted beyond measure! But the best part is, I get to walk around with huge wads of Kleenex plugging my nose to staunch the bleeding, and that makes me feel SOOOO attractive and desireable! You almost don’t notice the Rudolph-red allergy nose when the sides are bulging with Kleenex and there’s blood dripping down my lip! I am so happy! I can’t express how pleased I was when it happened again yesterday. Thank you so very, very much for making me feel special!
Yours sincerely,
Helly
P.S. I anticipate today's nosebleed most eagerly since I have worn something "Dry Clean Only"!
I am writing to thank you for the New Special Added Bonus Feature you installed this weekend. Quite frankly, the constantly dripping nose, the sudden violent sneezing attacks and the bloodshot eyes that make me look like I’ve just smoked a bale of Jamaican were becoming rather tedious and boring after thirty-odd years. But this! I don’t know how to express my delight and pleasure at the new development - A Nosebleed A Day! It is both exciting and suspenseful: when will it appear? How long will it last?
And debuting this feature while I was dining at a restaurant - pure genius! Not only was I embarrassed but scores of patrons were doubtless disgusted beyond measure! But the best part is, I get to walk around with huge wads of Kleenex plugging my nose to staunch the bleeding, and that makes me feel SOOOO attractive and desireable! You almost don’t notice the Rudolph-red allergy nose when the sides are bulging with Kleenex and there’s blood dripping down my lip! I am so happy! I can’t express how pleased I was when it happened again yesterday. Thank you so very, very much for making me feel special!
Yours sincerely,
Helly
P.S. I anticipate today's nosebleed most eagerly since I have worn something "Dry Clean Only"!
3 Comments:
Bless your heart! You are probably sneezing so violently you're bursting tiny blood vessels in your nose(like Rick used to do). The doctors told him (and us) to simply press very firmly with fingertips on that side of the nose (of course, the pressure closes that nostril). I'd imagine that would be almost as attractive as the tissue wad.... poor baby.
By
Anonymous, at 9:33 AM
I don't think I own anything Dry Clean Only . . . anymore! That really sucks. Were you eating Italian? Could you pass it off as tomato sauce? I recently learned at work that you're not supposed to put your head back with a nosebleed. Forward is better.
By
Anonymous Me, at 12:33 PM
I was eating Mexican food so I could pretend it was salsa! I always spill cheese or salsa on myself when we eat at that restaurant anyway. It's a gift.
By
Helly, at 2:13 PM
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