The Hellhole

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Yesterday Commissioner Gary Bettman officially canceled this year’s NHL season. I’m remarkably unaffected. Sure, I’ll miss hockey, but I’d resigned myself to this eventuality long ago, when they didn’t come to a resolution by late November/early December. While I’m disappointed at not seeing any action, I truly believe it’s for the best. It’s bad enough that we’ve lost the whole season over the stinkin’ salary cap, but it would be even worse to have some sort of cobbled-together, half-ass parody of a season. And frankly, I’d hate to see someone’s name on the Maurice Richard trophy with, say, a whopping 15 goals or on the Art Ross with 35 points. It just wouldn’t be right.

Returning to a previous topic about coloring pictures, specifically about crayon development: Back when I was a rug rat, most people got the standard 8-pack. If you were lucky, you had the expanded 32-pack. But if you were really really lucky, with overindulgent parents who truly loved their child, you got the whopping big box of SIXTY-FOUR Crayolas. This was important not only because you had twice as many as those lower-echelon dweebs with 32, but you got three metallic crayons, gold, bronze and silver, and most crucially, the BUILT-IN SHARPENER on the back. The built-in sharpener never produced a crayon with quite the point, and consequently quite the hope and promise of a brand-new crayon, but it was significant for bragging rights alone. I always had the 64-pack [she wrote smugly, basking in the glow of extreme parental indulgence]. I only got the pitiful little 8-pack if one was free with a coloring book or pack of construction paper or something. I probably should have given those freebies to poor children whose drunken, unemployed parents didn’t keep them rolling in a veritable Crayola rainbow, but I used them to supplement my big 64-pack when vital colors like red got worn down to a nub. Hey, I never said I was a nice child.

When I went to Target a couple of weeks ago to buy some crayons, I noticed that there have been some industry improvements afoot. For one thing, some company called RoseArt is attempting to compete with Crayola. I scorn RoseArt. I didn’t even glance at their color selection, sneering as I went directly to the Crayolas. Crayon = Crayola for this chick. Anyway, I was shocked to discover that the good old 64-pack is no longer the supreme pinnacle of crayon superiority! There is a 96-pack! With a built-in sharpener! I scrutinized the 96-pack to try to ascertain whether it contained more different colors, or merely extras of the most-used ones. I couldn’t tell, so in a bow to nostalgia I purchased the 64-pack. I may go back this weekend for the 96-er. I’m not sure I can sleep soundly with the knowledge that somewhere, out there, there is a sticky second-grader able to out-crayon me.



  • Somehow, I do feel a 'let down' now that hockey is 'officially' cancelled. But I do agree that a shortened season would not do on the Cups. sigh

    Your MOTHER is responsible for your always having the 64-crayon box. I know that doesn't begin to atone for the orange gelatinous goo, but perhaps it does earn me SOME points. And you know, the Easter Bunny MIGHT put one of those kewl 96 count boxes in your Easter Basket.....

    MONTOYA DELENDA EST! only 16 more days!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:28 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home