Friday my boss had to go to city hall to pick up a sign permit. Since parking is at a premium and generally an extreme hassle, he had me ride with him, the idea being that I'd circle the block a time or two until he was done. The boss has an Acura MDX, which if you don't know is a huge, gi-normous SUV. This was a big change for me; it's been well over a decade since I've owned a car that even had a back seat. So I started circling the block, occasionally stomping my left foot down hard on the floorboard - it's been even longer since I owned a car with an automatic transmission. I felt so BIG and POWERFUL. Everything was smaller and more puny than me, even some of the delivery trucks. I wanted to smoosh something. Where's a Geo Metro or a Kia when you need one? If I could have found a silver one (same color as the boss's ride), I could have smooshed it to oblivion and he'd never have known. I could have smooshed a Geo like a cockroach. Alas, I was denied.

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!