The Hellhole

Thursday, March 11, 2004

So, the NHL suspends Todd Bertuzzi for the remainder of the season (less than two months, whoa golly gee) for a dirty hit that breaks Steve Moore’s neck, and Marty McSorley gets suspended for a year (ending his NHL career, incidentally) for performing a public service. Snarl - there's no justice in this world.

Yesterday I stopped by Best Buy to get a new PS2 controller - no, not another other one, I’m just now getting around to replacing the one from last Thursday. I’m miserly enough to get controllers from Best Buy anyway, since theirs are $19.99 instead of $24.99, and being two miles from my house helps, but geez, the entire check-out experience is getting ridiculous. I walk in, head straight to the games section, grab the controller and head to the front where no one else is in line. Twenty minutes later, I am finally allowed to leave the store.

First, it is very important to Check-out Dude that I put the purchase on my Best Buy charge card. Once he discovers, to his abject horror, that I don’t have one, he spends quite some time trying to convince me of the many benefits and incentives of signing up for one. My entire existence has been compromised to the level of a third-world-country dweller by my lack of a Best Buy charge card. Bleah. I don’t want more credit cards. I’m in the process of getting rid of them, one by one, so adding one would be regressive. Check-out Dude doesn’t take my refusal very well but grudgingly moves on to the next sales pitch. Would I like to buy any gift cards? No, I'd LIKE to buy this controller I have in my hand, but that's not on his agenda. Eventually we move on to the next item. Apparently my huge, whopping purchase (yeah, I only got the controller, nothing else) qualifies me for a free 8-week subscription to either Entertainment Weekly or Sports Illustrated. I’m not interested in Entertainment Weekly and I get my Sports Illustrated free with DirectTV (it’s called ESPN, ha ha). Clark Howard talks a lot about this sort of thing, not necessarily pertaining to Best Buy, just this 'free subscription with purchase' deal - they get your credit card info up front to cover their modest $5 processing fee or something, and it’s nigh impossible to cancel the subscription; they hit you for renewal after renewal. No thanks, I have enough hassles in my life, really I do. Check-out Dude is really not pleased with me by this point and goes on to point out the many benefits of magazine subscription ownership. If he’d said anything about me getting the infamous swimsuit issue for free, I’d probably have hit him.

Finally, we move on and discourse at length about Best Buy's fantastic product protection plan. After convincing him that I wasn’t interested in paying for a one-year severely limited warranty (for only half the cost of a new controller!), my purchase was finally concluded. However, Check-out Dude refused to give me my receipt, which was an estimated two feet long, until he’d explained in painful detail all about the toll-free phone number I was supposed to call and the series of numbers I was supposed to enter in order to qualify for a drawing for a free $5 gift card. All this for a $20 purchase...if I ever try to buy something major, like a big-screen high-definition television from them, I’ll probably go mad. Yeah, I know - how would you tell?

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