As a counterpart to the list I posted last Friday, here are my least favorite hockey players, and why. List is in no particular order except for our winner.
Joe Sakic (#19, Colorado Avalanche): he leads the stinking ‘Lanche in games, goals, assists and points, and that’s bad enough for me.
Donald Brashear (#87, Philly Flyers): the dirtiest player I’ve ever watched - and that’s saying a lot considering that I watch about 85% of the games the Toronto Maple Leafs play. I mean, all due respect, I love them too but let’s be honest - the Leafs are some serious thugs. This guy’s got every one of them beat exponentially, not to mention the hypocrisy he exhibits by squealing like a little bitch if anybody dares to touch him. The only thing Marty McSorley did wrong was not hit this jerk hard enough.
Rob Blake (#4, Colorado Avalanche): I just despise him. I don’t know why.
Eric Lindros (#88, New York Rangers): arrogance personified. I’ve never seen someone quite this conceited with so very little cause. Excuse me a moment. *shoots rubber band at Eric* MEDIC! MEDIC! Lindros has been concussed! Again!
Peter Forsberg (#21, Colorado Avalanche): coughoverratedcough
Paul Kariya (#9, Colorado Avalanche): he would have only made the ‘moderately annoying’ list if he’d stayed with the Mighty Ducks but seeing as how he’s moved to Colorado...
It occurs to me that perhaps you might be getting the impression that I hate the Colorado Avalanche...and you’d be RIGHT.
And finally, topping - or bottoming, depending on your perspective - my Least Favorite Hockey Players List is (drum roll) MR. PATRICK ROY!!! (#33, Colorado Avalanche) First of all, there’s his carelessness with the holy grail of sports trophies. This jerk left the Stanley Cup in the bottom of his swimming pool, which I did not make up and you can verify here. [On a side note, wouldn’t you just KNOW it’d take a Hab to drive off and leave the Cup in a snowbank???] Secondly, his name irritates me. It took me a very long time to realize that the goalie all the announcers rhapsodized over, Patrick Waaaa, and the guy in net with “Roy” on the back of his jersey were the same guy. I thought they were talking about Waaaa the usual and fabulous goalie in terms of him being unavailable and hoping this substitute, Roy, would be up to the challenge. This is because, when I heard them say “Waaaa”, I presumed that it was spelled “Waugh”, like Evelyn Waugh, but noooo. Why the hell is ‘Roy’ pronounced ‘Waaaa’? One guy on a message board answered that question by calling me stupid for not knowing that it was because Patrick Roy hails from Quebec and therefore is French-Canadian. Oh, well, excuse the merde out of me. Sorry, that explanation doesn’t cut it; I took YEARS of French and I never read anywhere that ‘roy’ should be pronounced ‘waaaa’. Oi = wa, yes, but not oy, and what’s that, a silent ‘R’? At the BEGINNING of a word? I think not. We have rules of pronunciation, dammit, and I want them followed! After all, I don’t tell people that my name is “Helly” but it’s pronounced “Melissa”, now do I??? It’s just irritating. I solved the whole problem by renaming #33 “Throat-Warbler Mangrove” in imitation of a Monty Python skit where Graham Chapman explains that his name, “Raymond Luxury-Yacht”, should be pronounced “Throat-Warbler Mangrove”. It may be spelled R-O-Y, but as far as this chick is concerned, it’s pronounced “Throat-Warbler Mangrove".
You realize, of course, with all the hockey players out there, with all the ones I like, all the ones I respect, all the ones I think are finer than frog hair, that if I ever get to meet and hang out with one, it’s gonna be Patrick Roy, right? I’m gonna have some splainin to do. Or some explicitering - remember, le garçon habite au Québec. Oh, and here, avail yourselves of my linguistic expertise: “Québec” is pronounced “smelly armpit full of snowfrogs".
Joe Sakic (#19, Colorado Avalanche): he leads the stinking ‘Lanche in games, goals, assists and points, and that’s bad enough for me.
Donald Brashear (#87, Philly Flyers): the dirtiest player I’ve ever watched - and that’s saying a lot considering that I watch about 85% of the games the Toronto Maple Leafs play. I mean, all due respect, I love them too but let’s be honest - the Leafs are some serious thugs. This guy’s got every one of them beat exponentially, not to mention the hypocrisy he exhibits by squealing like a little bitch if anybody dares to touch him. The only thing Marty McSorley did wrong was not hit this jerk hard enough.
Rob Blake (#4, Colorado Avalanche): I just despise him. I don’t know why.
Eric Lindros (#88, New York Rangers): arrogance personified. I’ve never seen someone quite this conceited with so very little cause. Excuse me a moment. *shoots rubber band at Eric* MEDIC! MEDIC! Lindros has been concussed! Again!
Peter Forsberg (#21, Colorado Avalanche): coughoverratedcough
Paul Kariya (#9, Colorado Avalanche): he would have only made the ‘moderately annoying’ list if he’d stayed with the Mighty Ducks but seeing as how he’s moved to Colorado...
It occurs to me that perhaps you might be getting the impression that I hate the Colorado Avalanche...and you’d be RIGHT.
And finally, topping - or bottoming, depending on your perspective - my Least Favorite Hockey Players List is (drum roll) MR. PATRICK ROY!!! (#33, Colorado Avalanche) First of all, there’s his carelessness with the holy grail of sports trophies. This jerk left the Stanley Cup in the bottom of his swimming pool, which I did not make up and you can verify here. [On a side note, wouldn’t you just KNOW it’d take a Hab to drive off and leave the Cup in a snowbank???] Secondly, his name irritates me. It took me a very long time to realize that the goalie all the announcers rhapsodized over, Patrick Waaaa, and the guy in net with “Roy” on the back of his jersey were the same guy. I thought they were talking about Waaaa the usual and fabulous goalie in terms of him being unavailable and hoping this substitute, Roy, would be up to the challenge. This is because, when I heard them say “Waaaa”, I presumed that it was spelled “Waugh”, like Evelyn Waugh, but noooo. Why the hell is ‘Roy’ pronounced ‘Waaaa’? One guy on a message board answered that question by calling me stupid for not knowing that it was because Patrick Roy hails from Quebec and therefore is French-Canadian. Oh, well, excuse the merde out of me. Sorry, that explanation doesn’t cut it; I took YEARS of French and I never read anywhere that ‘roy’ should be pronounced ‘waaaa’. Oi = wa, yes, but not oy, and what’s that, a silent ‘R’? At the BEGINNING of a word? I think not. We have rules of pronunciation, dammit, and I want them followed! After all, I don’t tell people that my name is “Helly” but it’s pronounced “Melissa”, now do I??? It’s just irritating. I solved the whole problem by renaming #33 “Throat-Warbler Mangrove” in imitation of a Monty Python skit where Graham Chapman explains that his name, “Raymond Luxury-Yacht”, should be pronounced “Throat-Warbler Mangrove”. It may be spelled R-O-Y, but as far as this chick is concerned, it’s pronounced “Throat-Warbler Mangrove".
You realize, of course, with all the hockey players out there, with all the ones I like, all the ones I respect, all the ones I think are finer than frog hair, that if I ever get to meet and hang out with one, it’s gonna be Patrick Roy, right? I’m gonna have some splainin to do. Or some explicitering - remember, le garçon habite au Québec. Oh, and here, avail yourselves of my linguistic expertise: “Québec” is pronounced “smelly armpit full of snowfrogs".
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