The Hellhole

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

On Saturday, my mom bought me this video game called “Shadow Hearts” at BJ’s for $11; it’s a fantasy RPG and I’d give it an ‘overall pretty cool’, I guess. More and more often, I factor in cost when determining game coolness (even when I don’t pay for it myself), and its low cost does make me far more generous than if I’d paid $50 for it. Another example is Clock Tower 3, which I found for $14 at Best Buy not too long ago. I liked it quite a bit, thought it had some nice touches, neat twists - overall a solid game. But I know I judged it far less harshly than Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, which was $50 although I didn’t pay anything for it - I got the Electronics Boutique hook-up! Anyway, I’ll definitely get $11 of fun out of Shadow Hearts so it’s all good.

Part of the fun is the odd translations. It’s not quite “all your base are belong to us” bad, it’s just not phrased the way we’d say it. Which brings us to the fun idea for the day which I stole from a guy at GameFAQs. Go to babelfish, type an ordinary sentence, convert it to Japanese, then copy and paste the Japanese answer and convert it back to English. There were some very long and utterly hilarious ones, like when one guy translated the entire lyrics of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, but in terms of normal phrases and comical output, here’s the best of the best from the GameFAQs gang:

You are on the way to destruction.
As for you to destruction there is a method.

No! I cannot let you do this.
As for me this which is done it is not possible to permit you.

(I’m sure my brother can explain to us how “Ohio” got in this one.)
Oh my god! Is this all it’s cracked up to be?
The Ohio state my God! Until that that has cracked, is there a certain this everything?

So that's how it will be? We’ll go our separate ways with you keeping the cow and me the chicken?
That has how, being so? Do we go your and my chicken which raises our another methodological cows?

(Methodological cows? Oh, my limecat!)

We shall meet, but we shall miss him.
We saw the contact of, but we are we perforated of him.

(We are perforated of him?!? Bunch o'pervs on GameFAQs.)

I want some chocolate cake and milk.
I squeezing think, that we want the chocolate cake, start.

Just put a little sugar into the tea pot.
The small sugar in the potentiometer of the tea introduces a rectum.

(POTENTIOMETER?!? WTF?!? I mean, sure, it’s an instrument for measuring an unknown voltage by comparison to a standard voltage, or a three-terminal resistor with an adjustable center connection, widely used for volume control in radio and television receivers. Why, of course I knew that already - didn’t you??? And no, I don't even want to speculate about the 'rectum' part.)

Let them talk. I'm still the best.
You speak those which are tried. I am the best brewing machine.

I am the very model of a modern major general; I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral.
Tomorrow in the water of the arm of the vehicle of the information of the model of the energy of the sketch of daily the main point and odierno the animal.

Who wants to be a Millionaire?
Someone would like to be the large magnate?

Grand Theft Auto becomes it is heavy the theft automobile

To be the President you have to stay in school and not do drugs.
You are restricted to the school and must do the medicine because there is a president.

I’m sorry, Mario, but our princess is in another castle.
I’m regrettable, Mario, but as for our king women there is another castle.

If a #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
If the #2 pencil very has spread, why brewing machine #2 is?

You are the bane of my existence.
There is a life stronghold of my existence. (HUH?)

Say hello to my little friend.
Speech today to the friend where I am small.

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself!
The fear itself being we! You must fear, the only thing!

All your base are belong to us pales in comparison.
Your basis everything belongs to us with comparison, you turn pale, it is.

To be, or not to be, that is the question.
Because of a certain, or because it is not, it is question.

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