The Hellhole

Friday, September 27, 2013

The Mysterious Mystery Of The Mysterious Disappearing Underpants Of Mystery*

So about a month to six weeks ago, I found myself in possession of a Victoria's Secret gift card and a $$ off coupon, so I took advantage of the two to buy a bra and panty set.  It was a very pretty deep blue/purplish colored lace over beige...uh, stuff - beige which I'm sure is cotton but felt very silky and I liked it a lot.  It was lovely.  So I wore the set and then the underpants disappeared.

The next time I wanted to wear the set, I could locate the bra but not the underpants.  I searched my intimate-wear drawer, the clean clothes hamper, the dirty laundry pile - nothing.  We have three small dogs who might have carted away a new "chew toy" so I've looked under beds, futons, couches - nothing.  I've looked in other places like my nightwear drawer, where they may have gotten tangled in a nightshirt or 'jamas or something - nothing.  I've looked in random places where there's no reason they should be, because that is often where I find lost things - still nothing.

Now enough time has passed that all of our laundry has made it through the entire dirty/clean/wash/dry/put away
cycle (actually that cycle X 4 has come full circle) and the underpants have completely disappeared.  They have not suddenly appeared tangled in a bedsheet or something.

This Disappearing Underpants Dilemma happened to me once before.  One evening I was about to take my bath, so I got a nightshirt and clean underpants from my dresser in our bedroom, walked to the bathroom and had a bubble bath.  After this, I lotioned and started to dress, but had no panties.  I looked all over the bathroom, I shook out towels, I searched and searched. I decided that I must have dropped them en route, so backtracked through the hall to the bedroom.  I found nothing.  I told Alan about the puzzle and he started looking around too.  I knew the exact pair of underwear I'd selected, so I looked through the underwear drawer and they were definitely not there.  We were flummoxed.

Finally, completely by chance, we found the pair of red silk panties in the study, stowed away in Esme's doggy basket.  Evidently I'd dropped them while walking down the hall, she had found, nabbed and stashed them.  Not so with this latest blueish-purplish pair - we've found no sign nor trace.  I don't think any of the dogs ate them because they are very tiny dogs who show no signs of eating forbidden things like dolls or throw pillows or quilts.  Also because all three dogs seem in perfect health after weeks, and as tiny as they are, eating my underpants would cause digestive issues.


We don't live in a particularly large house.  There's not a lot of places for them to be.  In the overall scheme of things, nah, it's not that awful - I have plenty of underpants to wear in the meantime, also Vickie's has sent me a replacement underpants which arrived today, so I still have a matching set, they also sent a $10 off coupon (yay Vickie's!!!) but still...where the hell are my underpants???!!!???

WHERE?!?!/shakes tiny fist at Fate, the Universe, and Everything

(upward) Replacement Underpants Of Doom  (everything's Of Doom - it doesn't matter why)

*+10 points if you recognized that as an Invader Zim reference instead of merely redundant grammar


  • Pretty.

    Maybe your dryer at it? Or perhaps it ran off with an unfaithful sock?


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:06 AM  

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