The Hellhole

Monday, June 10, 2013

On Sunday we went to the grocery store, which is normally a Saturday errand but was displaced by other things.  We had some specific items in mind but often we base meal plans on what looks good, what's on sale, what suddenly sounds good to us that we haven't had in a while - and this Sunday Publix had some truly beautiful filet mignons at a good price.  (Or is it filets mignon?  Nancy, I'm looking at you.)  I wanted to get some so we chose a pair and then I thought back to our last visit to a steakhouse and said to Alan, "Let's get some bacon!  Then we can do bacon-wrapped filets!"

bacon-wrapped filets marinating in Montreal seasoning and
Worcestershire sauce

Alan was all for that - he says bacon is never a bad idea - so we headed over to that section of the meat cooler.  I was looking at the center-cut bacon, because it looked a great deal leaner and therefore more healthy - and y'know, if you're eating bacon, heart and weight health is obviously your priority, amiright?  But Alan objected, pointing out that the center-cut bacon was way shorter than the other kinds.

"And that won't work, because we need it to wrap all around the filets!" he said, gesticulating. Don't get me wrong, he had a very valid point; even packaged, the center-cut was at least two inches shorter than the other kinds.  But when he said this, he held his hands SO far apart! - at least two feet, nearly three, apart, and bounced his hands up and down to emphasize his point.

I said gently, " doesn't come by the yard."

This Publix dude who was stocking the meat cooler on the other side of me broke into uncontrollable snickering.

Bacon By The Yard is my new entrepreneurial enterprise.  Y'all can't steal it.

bacon-wrapped-filets and Tuscan marinated mushrooms, all grilled

While we were at it, I remembered we had some very good bleu cheese in the refrigerator.  I said that we should put a bleu cheese crust on top, but Alan had a better idea.  Remember, he's the one with the college degree in Culinary Arts.  He made a roux and infused bleu cheese, which we had not only on the steaks, but atop of the garlic mashed potatoes.

Here is the finished product.  Can I get a group "YUM!!!!"?

Then there was a grocery list incident.  Alan's handwriting is often illegible, even to him, and it's a running joke between us.  This time, I wasn't trying to make fun of him; I could literally not discern any known comestible from the squiggle on the paper.  I thought through our usual purchases, I thought of things he liked, I came up empty.  Finally I had to ask.

"What is this?  Squirrel bottom?"  I mean, hey, we both have healthy doses of redneck in our lineage, "squirrel bottom' could have been a real possibility.

Alan, looking at me in total disgust, "Spreadable butter."


  • That meal does look amazing! And I'm going to have to tell Ray about your shopping trip. :-)


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:20 PM  

  • Squirrel bottom!!!

    I think in America folks can safely eat their filet mignons while sitting on chaise lounges chatting with some Major Generals about all the court martials they've ordered. That's why America is the land of the free!

    Yes, that meal looks amazing. I'm drooling.

    By Blogger Nancy H, at 7:00 AM  

  • Sqirrel Bottom is my new affectionate nickname for him.

    By Blogger Helly, at 1:44 PM  

  • Err..."sqUirrel".

    By Blogger Helly, at 1:45 PM  

  • As I recall, I could read Alan's handwriting in collage; but then, I grew up reading my Father's south-paw chicken-scratch (one of the few who could).

    t.glenn kelly

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:32 PM  

  • My handwriting has actually gotten worse over the years, but yeah, it doesn't help that I'm left-handed and a guy..

    By Blogger Unknown, at 8:45 AM  

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