The Hellhole

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

A friend and I were chatting and the conversation turned to a topic that reminded me of this former cow-irker of mine. His wife, unfortunately, had a drinking problem and I remember making the uncharitable remark that if I were married to him, he'd drive me to drink heavily too - not because he was a bad guy but because he was sooooo way overly nice that he was awful. I used this example and the people I was speaking with readily agreed. Imagine if you'd had a hard day, he’d be very solicitous and encourage you to relax on the couch so he could fix you a martini but then you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because he’d be bugging the ever-loving crap out of you the whole time about said martini.

“Did I put too much vermouth in there? I put too much vermouth, didn’t I? Oh, I bet I put too much vermouth. Give it back to me and let me make you one with less vermouth. Did you want a cocktail onion instead of two olives? Here, I’ll get you another skewer with an onion AND an olive…oh, you probably wanted it dirty. Let me add some olive juice. Or did you want a twist? Let me go see if we have any lemons. Yes, we have some lemons! Here, I’ll just make you one with a twist. Oh, these lemons don’t look that fresh; I could just nip down to the market. It’s no trouble, I can get you a fresh lemon. Wouldn't you like a twist from a fresh lemon? I know! I can just start over and do a dirty martini! You’d rather have a dirty martini anyway, wouldn’t you? Oh, no, now it’s probably not cold enough, here let me…” -- said at speed with nary a pause while his hapless victim keeps saying, “No, it’s fine…it's totally really, this is fine…no, REALLY!” before losing it and hurling the innocent martini at his face.

Maybe it's just you know anyone like that? - so excessively over-nice that they make you practically despise them?


  • Eeuuww! I did have a cow-irker like that; a woman who, when she discovered her husband was having an affair and divorcing her (leaving her with 4 kids to raise solo!) said calmly that she hoped he would be happier because he was a really nice man and a very good father! And meant it! Working with her was just like your description of the martini-maker!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:34 AM  

  • OMG your martini analogy is a perfect description of Ri-- uh, our former coworker!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:27 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home