The Hellhole

Monday, May 10, 2010

Boyfriend of Epic Fail

I had an ex-boyfriend call me completely out of the blue (they never get over me, mates - they simply find a way to soldier on with their hearts in tatters). I find it hard to grasp that someone I used to date could be so totally lame, but get this.

Late Saturday night, our phone rings while I'm in the den and Alan's in the bedroom. He answers and if you've ever called our house, you know how he answers the phone.

Alan: This is Alan.
Weenie: Can I speak to Helly?
Alan: Sure, can I tell her who's calling? (He knows I have guy friends and co-workers. Isn't troubled at all, as he realizes that he's the one I married.)
Weenie: Uh, it's nobody. [hangs up on Alan] <--- That's not even the lame part - it gets lamer.

Well, we knew who it was - we have Caller ID - it's just that the name meant nothing to Alan. I explained who it was and said, "I wonder what he wanted?"

"Call him back!" suggested Alan.

"Nah, what's the point? It's not like I want to meet up for dinner or anything."

Still, I wondered what on earth he wanted, calling so completely unexpectedly. I've been with Alan for six years and there was at least one boyfriend...or maybe two, I disremember...between this guy and Alan. Alan suggested again that I call him back instead of musing about it, so I did.

Weenie: Hello?
Me: [Weenie], this is Helly. Did you just try to call me?
Weenie: Yes, I did! I dunno, I've just been thinking about you a lot lately. You've been on my mind, and so I thought I'd give you a call.
Me: So how are you?
Weenie: Are you there? Can you hear me?
Me: Yes, I'm here. I can hear you fine.
Weenie: Hello? Hello? If you're talking, I can't hear you.
Me: I'm here and yes, I'm talking.
Weenie: Hello? Hello? I guess you're not there. [hangs up on me]

Can you believe the epic fail degree of lameness?!? Faking a bad connection instead of having the balls to actually talk to me once he'd called?!? Alan says I should call him back one day from work and say, "Hey, it seems like we had a bad connection the other day - what's up?" but I don't care enough to make the effort. I mean, I totally wouldn't have minded hearing how his life was going and wishing him well, and would hope he'd do the same for me. Eh, not so much. I've been over the guy for ages but I'm having trouble getting over the extreme lame of his faked phone fail. So I decided to register my displeasure on the intarweb.


  • This isn't trust fund boy by any chance, is it? How LAME!

    By Blogger Nancy, at 8:38 PM  

  • No, trust fund boy would never stoop so low. I'm e-mailing you Weenie's real identity!

    By Blogger Helly, at 8:58 PM  

  • Very strange, but totally not worth any of your time :)

    By Anonymous Inna, at 10:01 PM  

  • Weird. Weird. Weird.

    By Blogger basil, at 6:30 PM  

  • Wow, Basil - it's almost like you know him!

    By Blogger Helly, at 8:24 PM  

  • I don't know him, but I've met his clone.

    By Blogger basil, at 8:28 AM  

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