The Hellhole

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Ass bees and honey

Yesterday we were out running some errands. A song came on the radio and I heard the line "ass bees and honey". Now I listen to some outre music on occasion, but -

"The HELL?!?" I said. "Ass bees and honey?!?"

Alan replied, "I am equal parts sure that's not the correct lyric and certain that's what I heard."

A little later, the line repeated in the song: 'I want to cover you with ass bees and honey'.

While we were in B.J.'s, we kept joking about this - we needed to head to the garden section for ass bee repellent, we needed ass bee salve from the health aisle. Then we stopped at Applebee's for some dinner, which coincidentally enough, was the place we'd eaten on our first date, also a July 3rd! We didn't plan it that way but it was cool.

During our meal, we were talking about that line. Certain we were hearing it wrongly, we were trying to puzzle out what the actual lyric was; what sounded enough like "ass", went with "bees" and made sense? Alan settled upon "S.B.'s", an abbreviation for which he volunteered no explanation, "but, see, I'd know if I was young and hip, like fans of that band, and I bet it means SOMETHING". I voted for "recipes and honey" and when Alan pointed out that this made absolutely NO sense, I countered with the multi-faceted and bizarre sex kinks readily found on the internet, by which covering someone in recipes and honey paled in comparison. I mean, after spending half an hour on, coating a sex partner in recipes and honey sounds positively TAME.

So, we're sitting there munching away on some boneless buffalo wings and the big-screen TVS have ESPN on, which aired a segment about the Astros-Padres game being delayed because a swarm of bees infested Petco park! But were those ass bees? When that happens, do you need a beekeeper or a proctologist? What if you have ass bees and 'roids at the same time? What do you do?!? WHAT. DO. YOU. DO?!?

It was pretty rough on sweet little Ryan, our regular waiter, because every time he approached we were snorting and laughing. He had to guess - "Uh, the California shrimp salad, right? With extra dressing? And you want the bacon cheeseburger? Is medium rare okay? Sir? Sir??? SIR?!?"

Good thing we tip well.

BTW, it's Blue October's song "Dirt Room" and he wants to cover you with ants bees and honey. I like our version better.


  • I can totally see myself doing this - from the misheard lyrics to the conversation to the snorting with laughter all night long! And, yeah, what DO you do about ass bees?!?! ;)

    By Blogger Z, at 7:55 PM  

  • I like ass bees better. Perhaps you should suggest it to the band. Your lyrics are much catchier.

    (my captcha is "worsh", which is what our next door neighbors used to say for "wash", when I was growing up - they were from Arkansas, where you worsh yer clothes, I guess)

    By Anonymous Flippy, at 11:21 AM  

  • heh...the 'ASS-tros' game! heh


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:23 AM  

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