Pet Names

Do you use pet names for one another, either in your current or previous relationships? I've never been the sappy, romantic type (Whoa, Captain Understatement!) and the cutesy, made-up sort of pet names, e.g. Seinfeld's "shmoopy" make me want to hurl. If someone ever called me something like that, the best result would be laughing in his face; other, more likely scenarios involve projectile vomiting.

I frequently call Alan by endearments that are actual words - most often 'darling' or 'sweetie'. I am usually 'sweetheart' or 'sweetie' to him, although I am often 'love' when he answers me, as in, "Alan!"

"Yes, love?"

"The Mac is being mean to me! I'm getting beachballed! Make it stop! Please!"

In similar situations when it's me being paged, I generally answer with "Yes, darling?" or "Yes, my love?". Still, none of that is as bad as "You're a shmoopy!", "You're a shmoopy!", "You're a shmoopy!". Ugh.

I polled two of my girlfriends, who reported using these names for their boyfriends: "Dickhead. No, seriously." and "Gregg." How uninteresting. So, do you use potentially embarrassing pet names for one another? Feel free to comment anonymously.