I wasn't sure this would be funny unless you knew The Boss, but it received the K'vitsh Seal of Approval™, so here you go:

The Boss is wild and frantic for me to get an e-mail that he's sent because it has some attachments I need to complete. However, a co-worker is in the process of sending me a series of 26 e-mails, each containing large photograph attachments which I need for another client. His e-mail is behind hers in the server/e-mail queue so I can't look at it until all 26 of hers come through. He refuses to acknowledge that this is just how stuff works and says, "Well, I need you to SEE IT!"

He does this to me sometimes, repeating that he needs something or that it's important, as if this urgency will somehow magically reorder the universe and allow me to produce, for example, IMPORTANT reports without having to wait on other people to submit the required data.

I try to explain in a couple of different ways that no, I don't know when Co-Worker's e-mails will finish, no, I can't make my computer receive faster, no, I don't know how many she's sending but I can call and ask, and really, if he just waits a few minutes I'm sure it will pop through along with everything else. This is not good enough. He NEEDS me to GET his e-mail. He doesn't care about all this server stuff, I NEED his e-mail because responding to it is IMPORTANT. So I ask him, "What would you like me to do, rewrite Microsoft Outlook's source code so I can pick and choose which e-mails I get off the server?"

Pause. Long pause.

"You can do that?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!