Last night Alan was attempting to get his voice-over-IP phone to work properly, because he's on call for the next week. He was having problems. Trying to be helpful, I asked, "Darling, did you plug it directly into the DSL modem or just into the router?"

"Both."

"Do you think the phone itself doesn't work?"

"I'm beginning to wonder."

As this constitutes the entirety of my knowledge upon the subject, I had no further technical suggestions to offer, but an idea occurred to me.

"Maybe it's the dunce phone, and they give it to all the n00bs. They know it doesn't work so if you show up tomorrow all smiles and tell them everything's fine, they'll know you never intended to do any actual work at home and were just gonna dance around in your underwear instead."

"Have you been PEEKING?!?"