Feeling Waspish

I'm allergic to wasp stings - probably bee stings too, but I'm not positive since I've never been stung by a bee. I've been stung by a wasp, however, and the resulting trip to the emergency room was not fun. I carry an EpiPen with me these days. I am terrified of being stung, one of several reasons that I avoid the great outdoors as much as possible.

Last night we were eating dinner (herb-roasted chicken and garlic mashed potatoes) and I was turned toward Alan, listening to him recount his day when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something on my back/shoulder. At first I thought it was a fuzzy or a piece of wilted flower petal, there being a few cut-flower arrangements around. I went to brush it off and as my hand almost touched it, I realized it was a wasp. I diverted my hand underneath my shirt, thinking I'd flick him off from the underside, but he did not wish to be dislodged and started crawling up my shirt toward my face. Toward my face! I went into full-bore panic mode and started doing this oddly pitched hyperventilating thing I involuntarily do when I'm truly frightened.

Alan exclaimed, "Take your shirt off! Take your shirt off!" People, you have never seen a human being move faster than Alan did last night. In the two seconds it took me to mentally process his command and start moving my hand toward the hem of my t-shirt, he had pushed his TV tray forward, leapt to his feet, moved my TV tray out of the way and yanked my t-shirt over my head. I found myself sitting on the couch in my bra and shorts, trying to figure out what just happened but I couldn't ask my husband because he was already in the front bathroom running cold water over my shirt, which he'd flung in the bathtub in order to drown the treacherous wasp.

I was relieved for a couple of seconds but then I got paranoid that the wasp was caught in my hair and wasn't in the wadded up shirt at all. I attempted to prove/disprove this theory by taking handfuls of my hair and squashing them flat, feeling for intruders - not exactly the smartest thing I've ever done, but sadly, not the stupidest either. Alan hadn't found the wasp yet, but when he saw what I was doing, he told me to stop immediately and go brush my hair. I did - no wasp. Turns out he was still entangled in my shirt and died a horrible bathtub drowning death. Better him than me, I say.

Quite the after-dinner excitement at The Hellhole, but not as bad as it might have been. Oh, and for the Star Wars geeks among you (yes, Bo, I mean you) the wasp-attracting t-shirt in question was a black one emblazoned with "Mandalorian Commando" on the front and "Capture by Design - Kill by Necessity" on the back. It was a gift from Cheryl. Cheryl rocks.