I can't understand how so many otherwise intelligent humans have reached adulthood without learning how to operate an elevator. Every time I had to ride the elevator today, I was imprisoned with incompetence.
This morning as I attempted to ascend to my office, these two self-important broads swept past me into the elevator and strode confidently to the rear of the car - without doing anything else. I stepped in, pressed the button for 8 and waited. Sure enough, the shrieking started: "We need 6! We wanted to get off on 6!" and as we soared upward, nearing 7, one of them started slamming the 6 button over and over, as if she was somehow going to reverse the process.
Then during both my descent to go to the bank and my return trip, I was accompanied by the Lost Children, who don't press any buttons, but on each floor that the car stops, they take a tentative step forward, look around and ask questions to the ether: "Is this our floor? Is [X Business] on this floor? Do we want 9 instead?" and stand there in the doorway, looking about in vain for divine guidance before eventually stepping back in and repeating the process the next time the elevator stops. It took twenty minutes to go up 8 floors, and gods help the people I abandoned there, who needed 12, 13, even 14.
There are also the people unable to crack the secret code of the two vertical buttons outside each elevator car, which light either on top or on bottom, depending on which way the elevator car is headed. These two women laden with bags, catalogs and rolling luggage shoved their way onto our car after lunch and when it started its upward motion, started jabbing all the buttons and shrieking, "We needed to go DOWN! We needed the exhibit floor!"
What makes it worse is the way these idiot troglodytes glare at the rest of us as if it is somehow our fault that they don't know where they're going or how to get there. I find myself wondering how they managed to find their way all the way downtown from whatever far-flung suburb in which they dwell, and looking behind them for the breadcrumbs.
This morning as I attempted to ascend to my office, these two self-important broads swept past me into the elevator and strode confidently to the rear of the car - without doing anything else. I stepped in, pressed the button for 8 and waited. Sure enough, the shrieking started: "We need 6! We wanted to get off on 6!" and as we soared upward, nearing 7, one of them started slamming the 6 button over and over, as if she was somehow going to reverse the process.
Then during both my descent to go to the bank and my return trip, I was accompanied by the Lost Children, who don't press any buttons, but on each floor that the car stops, they take a tentative step forward, look around and ask questions to the ether: "Is this our floor? Is [X Business] on this floor? Do we want 9 instead?" and stand there in the doorway, looking about in vain for divine guidance before eventually stepping back in and repeating the process the next time the elevator stops. It took twenty minutes to go up 8 floors, and gods help the people I abandoned there, who needed 12, 13, even 14.
There are also the people unable to crack the secret code of the two vertical buttons outside each elevator car, which light either on top or on bottom, depending on which way the elevator car is headed. These two women laden with bags, catalogs and rolling luggage shoved their way onto our car after lunch and when it started its upward motion, started jabbing all the buttons and shrieking, "We needed to go DOWN! We needed the exhibit floor!"
What makes it worse is the way these idiot troglodytes glare at the rest of us as if it is somehow our fault that they don't know where they're going or how to get there. I find myself wondering how they managed to find their way all the way downtown from whatever far-flung suburb in which they dwell, and looking behind them for the breadcrumbs.
6 Comments:
Imprisoned with Incompetence should be your blog subtitle.
By
Anonymous, at 10:32 PM
I wish I knew how to change the banner and template stuff; I'd put it up there.
By
Helly, at 8:53 AM
This post and the previous were absolutely hilarious!
By
Anonymous Me, at 12:21 PM
Thank you, Nancy. *is happy*
By
Helly, at 10:23 PM
I'll agree with Nancy, and advance a "Yar!" on the elevator post. I am always amazed by people who DO NOT WAIT until the people inside the elevator get off! What the HELL! Shove your way in, but God forbid you should let the poor person with luggage in the back make her way out!
-Sandy
By
Topcat, at 10:17 AM
Sandy, I hate that too. The 2 chicks that wanted to go down instead of up had nearly bowled over Mr. Liu, this tiny old Chinese man, in their haste to board the elevator. Then they were mad that we were going in the other direction! He was too polite to do anything except frown at their backs. He should have tripped them.
By
Helly, at 10:29 AM
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