Again on the subject of Christmas gifts, I want to post about this friend of mine, who I like very much. However, over the past few years I've learned that it is impossible to buy him a gift without sending him into a downward spiral of worry, because he reads w-a-y too much into anything I give him.
Example 1: one year I bought him this nice "business casual" shirt, the typical button-up, cuffs-and-collar shirt that's one step up from a Polo shirt, right? Well, he nearly worried himself into an ulcer thinking that meant he didn't dress nicely enough for work and he should spiff it up a little. I picked it because I thought the colors would look nice on him.
Example 2: I consulted his girlfriend about his preferred cologne and bought a flask. He seriously thought I was hinting that his personal hygiene wasn't all that it ought to be and even initiated a heart-to-heart with me, beseeching me to "Tell me the truth, I need to know." GAH!
Example 3: I gave him this cool, tiny keychain AM/FM radio with ear buds. I thought it was cute; it ran on watch batteries and was about the size of a giant SweeTart but the sound quality from the ear buds was phenom. "Am I listening to my music too loud? Has anyone complained? Should I turn it down a notch? I'll turn it down a notch. Did anybody say anything? Tell them I'm sorry."
Example 4: I'm starting to figure this out, now, so I chose candy. How can one go wrong with candy? He likes racing so I gave him this huge container of race-car-shaped chocolates in NASCAR livery. "Do I look like I've lost too much weight? I'm going to the gym three times a week. I can bench XXX..." even baring a bicep for inspection so I could see that he was merely toned and not too skinny.
The only time I 'scored' was when I bought him his favorite movie on DVD, but I could only do that once. He always gives me great gifts that I TOTALLY LOVE and I give him total paranoia.
Example 1: one year I bought him this nice "business casual" shirt, the typical button-up, cuffs-and-collar shirt that's one step up from a Polo shirt, right? Well, he nearly worried himself into an ulcer thinking that meant he didn't dress nicely enough for work and he should spiff it up a little. I picked it because I thought the colors would look nice on him.
Example 2: I consulted his girlfriend about his preferred cologne and bought a flask. He seriously thought I was hinting that his personal hygiene wasn't all that it ought to be and even initiated a heart-to-heart with me, beseeching me to "Tell me the truth, I need to know." GAH!
Example 3: I gave him this cool, tiny keychain AM/FM radio with ear buds. I thought it was cute; it ran on watch batteries and was about the size of a giant SweeTart but the sound quality from the ear buds was phenom. "Am I listening to my music too loud? Has anyone complained? Should I turn it down a notch? I'll turn it down a notch. Did anybody say anything? Tell them I'm sorry."
Example 4: I'm starting to figure this out, now, so I chose candy. How can one go wrong with candy? He likes racing so I gave him this huge container of race-car-shaped chocolates in NASCAR livery. "Do I look like I've lost too much weight? I'm going to the gym three times a week. I can bench XXX..." even baring a bicep for inspection so I could see that he was merely toned and not too skinny.
The only time I 'scored' was when I bought him his favorite movie on DVD, but I could only do that once. He always gives me great gifts that I TOTALLY LOVE and I give him total paranoia.
2 Comments:
man.
either he thinks you're some sort of messiah or he's bananas. give him all the xanax you can steal with a bottle of Maker's Mark and see if that takes the edge off him.
and part of me is thinking 'the guy is probably so hott and funny'....
By
nita, at 12:35 AM
That was a hilarious. What a challenge!
By
Anonymous Me, at 9:08 AM
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