I wanted to write a funny blog entry because it’s been a while since I was amusing instead of whiny. I lack inspiration. It’s been a singularly ordinary day. The only unusual occurrence is that the high pollen count has compelled me to take out my contacts and wear my spectacles. I hate wearing my spectacles, especially in public. Plus, I’m having to take them off about every three seconds to wipe my eyes, which are tearing mightily, particularly the left. I guess the pollen is worse on that side of my face.

Currently, my left eye is devoid of eye makeup while my right eye looks normal. I can’t decide if I look worse with non-matching eyes or if I should wash all the makeup off the other eye. I can’t reapply, because unlike most women, I do not carry the entire cosmetics counter of a major department store inside my purse. (I do carry a vast quantity of lipsticks, but that’s another story). I hate the way I look without makeup, a pair of big fat chipmunk cheeks and no other discernable facial features, but maybe one made-up eye and one naked eye is worse. I remind me of Alex from A Clockwork Orange. No one can see me right now, but I’ll be out in public when I leave for the parking deck several blocks away - I’m still parking at my old office and won't start parking in the new deck until May. I could hide the entirety of both eyes with my hip black Ray-Bans, a gift from The Boss, but that would necessitate removing my spectacles and re-inserting my contacts. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Of course, if I were to wear the Ray-Bans OVER my spectacles, that would ensure that nobody would laugh about my mismatched eye makeup.

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!