The Hellhole

Thursday, September 23, 2004

One of these days I’m going to let loose and say exactly what I think, instead of trying to be nice. Our receptionist/admin is out this morning so whenever I hear the door chime, I have to go see who’s there. Fine. Usually it’s FedEx Guy or Lurch the Creepy Maintenance Man. But a moment ago, I went up and it was just some random dude that I’ve never seen before. I ask how I can help him and he says, "Is this [Name of Huge Atlanta Law Firm]?" Oh, how I longed to reply, “Why YES, sir, it is!! You were clever enough to see through our little ruse of placing a HUGE PLAQUE on the door that says [my company name which is absolutely nothing like the name of Huge Atlanta Law Firm] in black three-inch letters! You are today’s Big Winner! Go you!” The aforementioned Huge Atlanta Law Firm has some offices in this building, on the seventh, eighth and ninth floors. Which it says in plain white letters on this thing we keep in the lobby...what’s that called again? Oh, yes, THE DIRECTORY. But then, '7', '8' and '9' all look so similiar to '10' that I don't wonder he came to the wrong floor.

Today’s moment of Atlanta Traffic Idiocy: 7:55 am, intersection of Turner Hill Road and Covington Highway. There’s this oversized truck with a large bin on the back - you know, the ones that drive around all day randomly spewing small rocks and pieces of gravel, pretending to belong to construction and grading firms, when really they exist to keep the windshield repair industry in business? One of those wanted to turn left, and he was by-gods determined that under no circumstances was he gonna wait through another cycle of the traffic light for his left-turn arrow (those 3 minutes were his, dammit, and would not be wasted!) so he kept edging up, inch by inch, despite the fact that the three lanes of traffic he had to traverse were pretty solid. He had it in mind to run the light on yellow. Which might have worked except that all the people headed in the opposite direction were of like mind, and they kept running the yellow light going straight. Gravel Truck kept edging further out under yellow, while the other people kept running the yellow light, swerving around him and sometimes making an unfriendly gesture. It was a contest of wills, the stupid against the stubborn. I watched, fascinated, to see who would give in first, as the light turned from yellow to red. Two more cars ran that but then Gravel Truck seized the moment! I am sure he looked in his rearview mirror with scorn at the three other cars and me who timidly waited for the light to cycle through so they could turn left on a green arrow. Not unlike the scorn with which I looked in my rearview at him about four minutes later, when he got trapped by a Marta bus and I sped happily by at the mind-numbing speed of 45mph. Still, he proved his point (and his masculinity) by not waiting out that damned light, and we lesser commuters were oh, so very impressed.

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!

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