The Hellhole

Thursday, April 29, 2004

“This must be a Thursday,” said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. ”I never could get the hang of Thursdays." (Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)

The Leafs beat the stinkin’ Flyers 4 - 1 last night but I didn’t get to see anything but the recap because I went shopping. I heartily dislike shopping; it’s amazing how often I find myself doing just that. I had to buy a new dress because my salesweasel is getting married this weekend and it’s a black tie affair. I still have the dress from the last black-tie wedding I attended (that of the World’s Greatest Boss) but it’s a size 10 and I knew without even trying that it wasn’t going to work, certain bits having expanded since 1994. After my mom and I went to several places, I finally bought a dress at Dillard’s; we then repaired to Olive Garden to refresh ourselves with wine and pasta (which we do a lot, hence the expansion).

The whole wedding concept makes me a little uncomfortable; was I EVER that optimistic? About anything? Somehow I doubt it. I’m the sort of person who monograms things and puts her name in new books instantly, so there’s no chance of not getting them back when stuff is sorted into piles of Rightful Ownership. I seem to recall Billy Crystal making a similar remark in When Harry Met Sally but I’m too lazy to look it up. If I ever have to get married, I want to do it in Las Vegas with an Elvis officiating. I’d also feel better if I could steal Wanda Sykes’s line and vow, instead of that whole “til death us do part” thing, “Eh...I’ll give it a shot.”.

A while back I bought this great frog at World Market: he’s a sandbag frog, kind of a lime green with darker bits and semi-metallic specks in the cloth. I finally remembered to bring him to work today so he could sit on my monitor. He’s a really good frog. His name is Clyde; all my frogs are named Clyde in honor of Eric Cartman’s Clyde Frog. I also remembered to bring my lucky bamboo plant to work and assign its watering to Sheila. Not that I’m lazy, not that it’s in her job description, but we both want the poor, innocent little bamboo to survive so it’s better that I don’t interact with it.

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