The Hellhole

Friday, November 06, 2009

I had a funny dream, although it may be the kind of thing that's funny only if you know us personally - still, here goes. I dreamed that the lady next door (who inhabits the formerly-skanky-neighbor-house, raises Chinese Cresteds and is therefore known as Crested Lady) got really angry about something. I can't remember what sparked her ire now, though I probably knew right after waking - that's not the funny part, anyway.

Crested Lady was furious about whatever, and was standing out in her driveway throwing things at passing cars and the houses across the street. She was chucking rocks, assorted flotsam and jetsam from her garage, anything she could get her hands on. She broke the truck windows of this old guy across the street from her so he - or someone - called The Law.

Alan and I were sitting in our den and there was a walkie-talkie sitting on the table in front of us. For whatever reason, Alan had a sideline as an on-call, stand-in deputy - kinda like the National Guard. He still had his job as a technical writer but could be summoned if the need arose. So since we lived next door, Rockdale County called Alan to go arrest Crested Lady. He did so, and marched her over to our house in handcuffs, to sit and await pickup from an actual law enforcement officer.

That's ridiculous enough but the part that still makes me laugh is this: when Alan got the call on the walkie-talkie, he listened to his assignment, and then said, "I'm on it!" in the most pompously officious way imaginable. Since the dream, I keep asking him to say, "I'm on it!" and he obliges, but Regular Normal Alan can't match the brisk, A-Team tone of Dream Alan. Still, next time you see us, ask him to tell you he's on it - worth a laugh.

Now, AN OFFICIAL HELLHOLE BLOG CONTEST! I meant to do this right after Hallowe'en, but what the hell, I'm a slackass. A valuable Hellhole prize to the first commenter to correctly identify what I'm dressed as. Sorry, Mom & Anne, but y'all are prohibited because I told you both about it already. I'm kinda cross-eyed in this picture because I'm looking at the camera screen so as to take my picture in the mirror. This is because Alan seems to be genetically incapable of taking a photograph of me that doesn't showcase every single roll of fat on my body, including ones I was not even aware that I had until he managed to magnify, accentuate and bring them into sharp focus. The cross-eyed part is not relevant to the costume, i.e., I was not dressed up as
Cross-Eyed Mary.

Here's one Alan took that's in better focus but I look kinda pissed off. I wasn't pissed off, I was happy and having a lovely time.

P.S. Alan says bonus points/better prize if you get the reference to the salmon farmer who formerly fronted a 70s rock band.


  • Devil w/ a Blue Dress (On).

    Jethro Tull.

    By Anonymous Heather, at 2:10 AM  

  • Also: damn you look sexy in those pics.

    By Anonymous Heather, at 2:11 AM  

  • Well, the salmon farmer would be Roger Daltrey who did sing a version of Devil in a Blue Dress.

    By Blogger neil h, at 3:22 PM  

  • devil with a blue dress blue dress blue dress, devil with a blue dress on!

    No win for me, but great costume.

    Salmon farmer. Hm. I didn't know that.

    By Blogger Nancy, at 9:15 PM  

  • Obviously not an 'entry' but a comment - what a gorgeous 'Devil With a Blue Dress On'!



    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:20 AM  

  • Aw, I need to check you blog more often. :-(

    Great costume!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:56 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home