The Hellhole

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

We have just returned from Best Buy, where we replaced Alan's GPS. He chose another Magellan, but the newer one is much thinner and with a larger screen than the one which was stolen. He got a more high-end model with lots of spiffy features, including voice command and Bluetooth integration, so he's happy - new gadget to play with and all that. (It's the Maestro 4700 currently featured at the top of their website, if you're interested in that sort of thing.)

He calls the GPS 'Karen', like when we stop for gas or at an ATM and she starts bitching, "As soon as possible, make a LEGAL U-turn!" he will say, "Shut up, Karen!" Or if we think we've missed a turn or similar, he'll say, "Talk to me, Karen!" The GPS girl is named Karen because that is the name of Plankton's computer wife on Spongebob Squarepants. I'd like to take credit for that because I find it very amusing, but the idea was actually my sister-in-law Sarah's.

Alan reminds me that he wanted me to blog about an incident this weekend. Returning from Augusta Sunday, we were approaching the middle exit of the three for Covington (where you turn off to go to my mom's house, should any of you want to pay her a visit) when all the traffic slowed abruptly and people started to swerve into the two left lanes. We were in the right lane and soon saw what this was all about as a white sedan was traveling about 30 - 35 mph on the interstate. We couldn't get around him because of cars in the other lanes, so we had to brake hard, fingers crossed that the 18-wheeler behind us could brake just as hard, or manage to move over before creaming us.

The white sedan slowed even more and was cruising about 3/4 in, 1/4 out of the lane. We finally got into the other lane and started to pass him. I had just that second had a moment of pity for the poor motorist who was suffering car problems when Alan drew alongside him and -

the sonofabitch was TEXTING.

Going 30mph on a major interstate highway because he was TEXTING. I can only hope that when the next 18-wheeler comes up on him, can't move over because of traffic and hits his sorry ass, that the cell phone flies out of his hand and puts out an eye. What an utter jerkwad.

Now, if Karen only came with an Asshole Ahead Alert system - a triple-A warning, if you will - that would be something.


  • gaahhh! That's completely absurd, what an asswad, a real big one too!
    I saw a guy texting on the queensburough bridge the other day and he was having a hard time staying in his F***ing lane!

    By Anonymous Inna, at 8:57 PM  

  • I had a similar experience on a two-lane back road (thank god). The 20-something woman was speeding up to sixty and then abruptly slowing down to 20 mph because she was texting.

    By Blogger basil, at 8:01 AM  

  • "Karen", that's great! Well I think anything spongebob related is great. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could buy a voice set for your GPS based on Karen? Me, I'd love a "Plankton" voice set, especially at his most pompous and aggravated.

    Driving while texting should be as illegal as driving while drunk. It's certainly as dangerous.

    By Blogger Topcat, at 12:34 PM  

  • Bo and Sarah and I have some mutual friends named Eddy and Whitney. They have a kickass picture on their fridge where you see traffic stacking up on an interstate, with one of those highway electronic warning signs overhead. The sign says "SOME ASSHOLE TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE GOT CREAMED".

    I never fail to laugh when I see it.


    By Blogger Phil, at 2:01 PM  

  • I've never seen that photo, Phil - haven't seen Ed or Whit in AGES anyway.

    By Blogger Helly, at 2:37 PM  

  • Ed and Whit are hosting a get-together for me on Friday, August 7th, if you'd like to come up to Athens. :) Let me know if you want details.

    Alternatively, are you guys free this weekend, Saturday or Sunday? Leslie and I can come visit.


    By Blogger Phil, at 1:15 PM  

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