Today I'd like to depart from the lighthearted topics normally addressed on this blog to discuss something of extreme importance, which touches us all: toilet paper.
I am picky about what touches my nether regions (ex-boyfriends notwithstanding) and I have strong opinions regarding my toilet paper. It might matter more to me than other people because I have terrible allergies and use as much TP on my nose as I do on my bum. For years, I preferred Kleenex TP, but when a large Sam's Club was built fairly close to my house, I thought I'd give their store brand a try. I liked it almost as much as Kleenex, and it was like two dollars for 48 rolls so I figured I could adapt.
But now something terrible has happened! Sam's Club has changed their toilet paper! It's not soft and nice anymore; the new edition is about the thickness and stiffness of paper towels, though not that coarse. I. DON'T. LIKE. IT. Also, because it seems so very thick, I'm frightened that it will not flush properly and a clog will ensue, which is bad enough for a normal person, but for someone as CDO (that's like OCD, but in alphabetical order, as it should be) as I am, an overflowing toilet is the stuff of which nightmares - nay, hell is made.
After several days of new and unimproved TP use, I was forced to address the subject with Alan, despite my equally strong opinions about what topics do and do not constitute appropriate conversation, even among married couples. (Though evidently I have no such compunction about addressing said topic on the intarweb.) I marched into the den and announced, "This new Sam's TP? I don't like it! I don't like it AT ALL."
"Neither do I," Alan replied. "It's gross. So when this batch runs out, like in 8 or 9 months, we'll buy something else. If we remember by then that we don't like it."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I'll remember," I muttered darkly. "I'll probably poop between now and then, at least once, and if that happens, I'll remember."
I am picky about what touches my nether regions (ex-boyfriends notwithstanding) and I have strong opinions regarding my toilet paper. It might matter more to me than other people because I have terrible allergies and use as much TP on my nose as I do on my bum. For years, I preferred Kleenex TP, but when a large Sam's Club was built fairly close to my house, I thought I'd give their store brand a try. I liked it almost as much as Kleenex, and it was like two dollars for 48 rolls so I figured I could adapt.
But now something terrible has happened! Sam's Club has changed their toilet paper! It's not soft and nice anymore; the new edition is about the thickness and stiffness of paper towels, though not that coarse. I. DON'T. LIKE. IT. Also, because it seems so very thick, I'm frightened that it will not flush properly and a clog will ensue, which is bad enough for a normal person, but for someone as CDO (that's like OCD, but in alphabetical order, as it should be) as I am, an overflowing toilet is the stuff of which nightmares - nay, hell is made.
After several days of new and unimproved TP use, I was forced to address the subject with Alan, despite my equally strong opinions about what topics do and do not constitute appropriate conversation, even among married couples. (Though evidently I have no such compunction about addressing said topic on the intarweb.) I marched into the den and announced, "This new Sam's TP? I don't like it! I don't like it AT ALL."
"Neither do I," Alan replied. "It's gross. So when this batch runs out, like in 8 or 9 months, we'll buy something else. If we remember by then that we don't like it."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I'll remember," I muttered darkly. "I'll probably poop between now and then, at least once, and if that happens, I'll remember."
2 Comments:
Hehe, "what touches my nether regions (ex-boyfriends notwithstanding)."
That's funny. I definitely prefer some quality toilet paper near my nether regions in lieu of ex-boyfriends.
By
A Margarita, at 9:01 AM
On the positive side, it appears that the paper-towel-grade thickness was a ploy to disguise putting less and less sheets on a roll, so we're using it more quickly. Hopefully we can return to comfy tissue in 5 or 6 months instead of 8 or 9.
By
Helly, at 1:05 PM
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