KristyK wrote that she missed me, so here's a book review.

The Third Secret, by Steve Berry. Rarely am I conflicted in my opinion of a book; I either liked it or didn’t, intend to read more by the same author or not, but this one caused a classic case of mixed emotions.

The intricate plot is brilliantly devised and well-paced. There was extensive, precise research involved and the resulting mix of history and fiction is exceptional. But as wonderful as Berry is at plot development, that’s how bad he is at character development. They’re...well, just awful. I don’t mean that they’re awful ‘people’, as in villains, I mean - what a bunch of irritating, irksome idiots! I wanted to machine-gun the lot of them before I was a third of the way through the book.

For example, there’s protagonist Colin Michener. If you were a top aide to the Pope and he’d entrusted you with a secret mission - so very secret that you weren’t to breathe a word of it to his other trusted aide (your superior) or anyone else in the Curia, so clandestinely secret that you’re to pretend to everyone you’re off on a personal vacation while you’re performing this errand - and you meet up with a reporter whom you’ve not seen or spoken to in twenty years and with whom you did not part on good terms, would you STFU and keep your own counsel, or would you spill every single detail of the whole story to said reporter the minute she asked, “So, how’s things?” Yeah. Well.

There’s also the fact that none of these people will ever TELL anyone else what they’re doing or just ASK what they want to know. I understand the point about Vatican politics but for Christ’s sake (that was a pun) real people would never behave this way, much less a whole group of them. Does the priest who knows the entirety of the secret of Fatima ask the Pope flat-out, “Why is the Church suppressing a big huge important part of the revelation?” Nooooo, he writes letters asking cryptically, “Why does our Church lie?” and the Pope has no clue what he’s on about.

But the Pope’s just as bad because, does he, I dunno, ASK? Does he write back “Dear Father Tibor, I’m puzzled by your letter. Which lie or lies are you specifically wondering about? Lemme know and I’ll try to clear things up. Hugs, His Holiness”? Noooo. Instead the pontiff prowls through the papers in the Riserva to try to figure out what’s missing and does a lot of pondering. But wait there's more. After Michener goes all the way to Romania to tell Father Tibor ‘okay, we get it now and the Holy Father wants to know what you’d like us to do’, Father Tibor writes a two page letter that basically says, “It’s not for me to say. I can’t tell the Pope what to do. Heaven should not be challenged.” Then why did you bring it up in the first place, you wrinkled bastard?!?

I hated them all. I wish some renegade priest had strangled each character with a surplice. Er, but it was a great story.