I don’t know if this will be as funny in prose as it was to watch, but I shall try.
As the elevators are very crowded, I decide to use the escalator to ascend officeward. I queue up behind this woman who looks to be in her early/mid 60s - older, but not feeble and hardly decrepit. She looks to be in fine health and is well-dressed in a brightly colored top and capri pants. She is, however, apparently terrified of these new-fangled escamalators.
At the metal step right in front of the escalator proper, she stands with one foot held aloft. She scrutinizes the escalator steps and the airborne foot twitches occasionally, waiting for The Right Moment. She watches as five, six, eight escalator steps shuttle by and finally, the rhythm established and her comfort level at optimal, she makes her move! With this funny little hop, she launches onto the escalator with the foot she’d had up in the air. The other foot she holds out behind her (like Wile E. Coyote frozen in mid-run) until the rising step meets it.
When we are about 3/4 of the way up, she prepares for the landing. She leans back a little, both hands holding the moving rails, and raises her foot. She stands on one foot, holding the other in readiness, extending her leg forward and even pointing her toe (nice form, that). The landing approaches! Will she make it? It may be close! HOP! She’s made a successful leap to safety! S-l-o-w-l-y she brings her other foot forward and takes a step. She rounds the landing and heads for the next escalator to ascend another floor. The process is repeated: lift foot, scrutinize steps, get ready, wait for it, SEIZE the moment and LEAP! Carpe gradum!
Because of her unusual method of mounting/dismounting the escalators, it took quite a bit longer for me to get to my office but there was no way for me to get around her without shoving her aside rudely - which I would never do, although I did consider asking, “What is the big deal? Escalators have been around since frickin’ 1898, you HAVE to have seen ‘em before! It’s really not that complex.” If she was so worried about losing her balance, here’s a suggestion: try making most of the journey with BOTH FEET on the ground. Or suck it up and wait on one of the four elevators that is in plain sight 15 feet away - true, I didn’t want to wait on an elevator myself, but then I'm not gripped by the primal fear of escalators she has. I just sort of step on, step off, you know? Perhaps I’ll try it her way next week, though - the tense, ready, one-foot-up, wait for it, wait for it, you’ll know when the time is right, steady, NOW LEAP! might be an interesting change from my typical, boring perambulation.
As the elevators are very crowded, I decide to use the escalator to ascend officeward. I queue up behind this woman who looks to be in her early/mid 60s - older, but not feeble and hardly decrepit. She looks to be in fine health and is well-dressed in a brightly colored top and capri pants. She is, however, apparently terrified of these new-fangled escamalators.
At the metal step right in front of the escalator proper, she stands with one foot held aloft. She scrutinizes the escalator steps and the airborne foot twitches occasionally, waiting for The Right Moment. She watches as five, six, eight escalator steps shuttle by and finally, the rhythm established and her comfort level at optimal, she makes her move! With this funny little hop, she launches onto the escalator with the foot she’d had up in the air. The other foot she holds out behind her (like Wile E. Coyote frozen in mid-run) until the rising step meets it.
When we are about 3/4 of the way up, she prepares for the landing. She leans back a little, both hands holding the moving rails, and raises her foot. She stands on one foot, holding the other in readiness, extending her leg forward and even pointing her toe (nice form, that). The landing approaches! Will she make it? It may be close! HOP! She’s made a successful leap to safety! S-l-o-w-l-y she brings her other foot forward and takes a step. She rounds the landing and heads for the next escalator to ascend another floor. The process is repeated: lift foot, scrutinize steps, get ready, wait for it, SEIZE the moment and LEAP! Carpe gradum!
Because of her unusual method of mounting/dismounting the escalators, it took quite a bit longer for me to get to my office but there was no way for me to get around her without shoving her aside rudely - which I would never do, although I did consider asking, “What is the big deal? Escalators have been around since frickin’ 1898, you HAVE to have seen ‘em before! It’s really not that complex.” If she was so worried about losing her balance, here’s a suggestion: try making most of the journey with BOTH FEET on the ground. Or suck it up and wait on one of the four elevators that is in plain sight 15 feet away - true, I didn’t want to wait on an elevator myself, but then I'm not gripped by the primal fear of escalators she has. I just sort of step on, step off, you know? Perhaps I’ll try it her way next week, though - the tense, ready, one-foot-up, wait for it, wait for it, you’ll know when the time is right, steady, NOW LEAP! might be an interesting change from my typical, boring perambulation.
2 Comments:
ROFLMAO! However, since you've been riding escalators with your mamma all your life, it should not have been unusual. Funny as hell, but about like the way I approach those hellish hungry 'stairs'. Escalators EAT people, you know. They grabs them by they toesies, pulls 'em down and eats them, my pressssioussss. yes they does!
mom
By
Anonymous, at 11:12 AM
hahahahahahahaha! It IS just as funny! Poor woman, really. It kind of makesme wonder what her approach would be on a lift if she prefers the escalator!
By
maria, at 9:54 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home