My cousins, Norm and Ann, just got two of the cutest little black poodle boy puppies! They lost their beloved girl, Echo, about a year ago I believe, and I was hoping they’d get another dog. One dog can’t replace another, any more than bereaved parents can shrug and just have another kid, but I know firsthand how much joy and happiness pets can bring so I’m very glad Norm and Ann have welcomed someone else (two someone elses!) into their home. The boys arrived on July 2nd and are brothers. YAY!
It is freezing in my office. It’s July in Atlanta and I’m freezing. Yesterday it was way too hot so we called building maintenance. Adjusting the thermostat is forbidden to us tenants; I guess they feel it’s way too complex for us to handle. They’re probably right - four floors of this building are occupied by lawyers and we wouldn’t want their sort turned loose on climate-control mechanisms. Instead, we have to summon building maintenance, and they send over an employee whose job consists of adjusting the temperature, changing light bulbs and frowning at delivery people for making him run the freight elevator. If the job is more advanced, such as changing a lock or checking the lighted "Exit" signs, the presence of Head Maintenance Guy is required. Head Maintenance Guy handles several buildings and is named either Bill or Phil, depending on who you're talking to, and he's always in a bad mood. I call him PhilPillBill, all run together, which he puts up with because he's afraid of me. PhilPillBill once dared to be hostile and rude to Sheila (the most polite person on the planet) and I lost it. I said the dreaded words, "Let me tell you ONE thing...BUDDY." It was a bad day for PhilPillBill. I don't necessarily enjoy ruling by fear, but it's better than not ruling at all.
Anyway, the guy assigned to our building in the junior-maintenance, thermostat-adjusting position used to be Bi-Polar Greg, who was either totally friendly and glad to see us, or hated our guts. Nothing we did or didn’t do prompted these changes, hence the name. Then Bi-Polar Greg got transferred to another building and Moses took over. I liked Moses. He was from somewhere in Africa (he told me where but I disremember) and he had the most musical voice; I loved listening to him. But Moses quit and then we got Vlad, a Russian immigrant who lasted about a week, and now we have - LURCH. Lurch is so creepy! We’re not sure what his real name is; he wears one of those shirts with the name on the pocket, but nobody’s been able to withstand Lurch’s freaky glare long enough to read it - really. Since he's blond and about seven feet tall, I named him 'Lurch' which is catching on throughout the building. At first we thought he was “slow” and I wouldn’t make fun of somebody if they have an actual disability, but as time goes by and we have more opportunities to observe Lurch in action, we’ve come to believe he’s not ‘slow’, he’s just weirder than grits. I can’t really describe why or what he does that's so weird...the only thing I can report specifically is that he sort of fixes his stare upon you in an uncomfortably psycho way. It’s mostly that he’s got a weird vibe, if you’ll excuse the hippie expression. It’s not just me, though, because Debbie at the office next door said something about it yesterday, likening him to Billy Bob Thornton’s character in Sling Blade. The security guard at the front desk said something about how he freaked her out, too. So that’s why we’re freezing up here, because we’re afraid to summon Lurch, who creeps everybody out. I want Moses back. Brrrr.
MONTOYA DELENDA EST!
It is freezing in my office. It’s July in Atlanta and I’m freezing. Yesterday it was way too hot so we called building maintenance. Adjusting the thermostat is forbidden to us tenants; I guess they feel it’s way too complex for us to handle. They’re probably right - four floors of this building are occupied by lawyers and we wouldn’t want their sort turned loose on climate-control mechanisms. Instead, we have to summon building maintenance, and they send over an employee whose job consists of adjusting the temperature, changing light bulbs and frowning at delivery people for making him run the freight elevator. If the job is more advanced, such as changing a lock or checking the lighted "Exit" signs, the presence of Head Maintenance Guy is required. Head Maintenance Guy handles several buildings and is named either Bill or Phil, depending on who you're talking to, and he's always in a bad mood. I call him PhilPillBill, all run together, which he puts up with because he's afraid of me. PhilPillBill once dared to be hostile and rude to Sheila (the most polite person on the planet) and I lost it. I said the dreaded words, "Let me tell you ONE thing...BUDDY." It was a bad day for PhilPillBill. I don't necessarily enjoy ruling by fear, but it's better than not ruling at all.
Anyway, the guy assigned to our building in the junior-maintenance, thermostat-adjusting position used to be Bi-Polar Greg, who was either totally friendly and glad to see us, or hated our guts. Nothing we did or didn’t do prompted these changes, hence the name. Then Bi-Polar Greg got transferred to another building and Moses took over. I liked Moses. He was from somewhere in Africa (he told me where but I disremember) and he had the most musical voice; I loved listening to him. But Moses quit and then we got Vlad, a Russian immigrant who lasted about a week, and now we have - LURCH. Lurch is so creepy! We’re not sure what his real name is; he wears one of those shirts with the name on the pocket, but nobody’s been able to withstand Lurch’s freaky glare long enough to read it - really. Since he's blond and about seven feet tall, I named him 'Lurch' which is catching on throughout the building. At first we thought he was “slow” and I wouldn’t make fun of somebody if they have an actual disability, but as time goes by and we have more opportunities to observe Lurch in action, we’ve come to believe he’s not ‘slow’, he’s just weirder than grits. I can’t really describe why or what he does that's so weird...the only thing I can report specifically is that he sort of fixes his stare upon you in an uncomfortably psycho way. It’s mostly that he’s got a weird vibe, if you’ll excuse the hippie expression. It’s not just me, though, because Debbie at the office next door said something about it yesterday, likening him to Billy Bob Thornton’s character in Sling Blade. The security guard at the front desk said something about how he freaked her out, too. So that’s why we’re freezing up here, because we’re afraid to summon Lurch, who creeps everybody out. I want Moses back. Brrrr.
MONTOYA DELENDA EST!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home