Yesterday, when we were discussing the possibility of foraging for some treats, Sheila mentioned that she had no cash. I said I’d spot her - what’s a couple bucks among pals? Then I was thinking, in a vague sort of way, “I wonder why she hasn’t got any cash...when’s payday? BLOODY HELL!! The FIRST is payday! Which is two days away! I haven’t done the payroll! I bet all these employees will expect to get paid! AAAAAAAAGH!” So I rushed around, did the payroll and got it submitted about two minutes before deadline. If you were to ask the World’s Greatest Boss, he’d tell you that I hardly ever make mistakes, that he can list the number of times I’ve screwed up because it happens so seldom - which is funny because I screw up ALL THE TIME and make some truly boneheaded errors. But the way things are structured around here, plus a little luck like yesterday, 99.9% of the time I see the mistake and have a chance to fix it before anyone else sees it. Not that I point this out to the boss - I just smile and pretend to be uber-competent.
Which brings us to today’s feature: Stupid Things Helly Did. On a side note, one of the few detriments to living alone is that there’s no one else upon whom to blame things; I know for certain I was the one who did it. On the plus side, nobody sees it but me. For the record, most if not all of these things happened stone cold sober. I can’t even blame drunkenness, although I suspect extreme tiredness to be the culprit sometimes.
Scraped my dinner plate into the dishwasher, threw the plate and fork into the trash
Scraped my dinner plate into the trash, placed plate and fork in the fridge
Trekked to the kitchen, placed dirty glass into the fridge instead of the dishwasher
Tossed clothing into the bathroom trash instead of the laundry hamper
Tried to get out of the parking deck using my garage door opener instead of the gate card (I was cussing at it when it wouldn’t work, too.)
Sorted the mail, threw the bills away and placed the credit card offers and supermarket ads carefully into the “in” box on my desk (although in retrospect, this worked well as I had more spending money that month)
Drove to work without my drivers’ license, insurance card or money (I had taken out my wallet to order something over the phone and neglected to replace it. The next morning I grabbed my purse, but since I keep my keys on a hook on the wall, I never looked inside it and noticed the wallet was missing until lunchtime rolled around.)
Put cat food into the litter box (without processing it first through the cat)
Microwaved a frozen dinner for thirty minutes instead of three (Did you know frozen mashed potatoes explode? I’d have thought they’d burn, but no - they explode. Trust me on this one.)
- and, saved the best one for last -
Arrived at work without any shoes - okay, this one needs explaining. I often wear high heels and my car is a stick shift. For safety and to avoid buggering up my shoe heels, I usually get dressed, leave the house carrying my shoes and put them on once I park the car. On that day, I’d put my strappy sandals down while getting the day’s allotment of Diet Cokes off the shelf in my garage but apparently never bothered to pick them back up. Once I got to work barefoot, I called the boss to explain why I’d be late, a second commute being required. He wanted me to go to the nearby Macy’s and buy a new pair, to save time, and even offered to pay for them. I was tempted, but I just couldn’t see myself walking two blocks down a city street barefoot, or walking into Macy’s to shop with now-filthy bare feet, so I drove back home instead.
Many more entries probably can be added to this list once I've pondered the subject further.
MONTOYA DELENDA EST!
Which brings us to today’s feature: Stupid Things Helly Did. On a side note, one of the few detriments to living alone is that there’s no one else upon whom to blame things; I know for certain I was the one who did it. On the plus side, nobody sees it but me. For the record, most if not all of these things happened stone cold sober. I can’t even blame drunkenness, although I suspect extreme tiredness to be the culprit sometimes.
Scraped my dinner plate into the dishwasher, threw the plate and fork into the trash
Scraped my dinner plate into the trash, placed plate and fork in the fridge
Trekked to the kitchen, placed dirty glass into the fridge instead of the dishwasher
Tossed clothing into the bathroom trash instead of the laundry hamper
Tried to get out of the parking deck using my garage door opener instead of the gate card (I was cussing at it when it wouldn’t work, too.)
Sorted the mail, threw the bills away and placed the credit card offers and supermarket ads carefully into the “in” box on my desk (although in retrospect, this worked well as I had more spending money that month)
Drove to work without my drivers’ license, insurance card or money (I had taken out my wallet to order something over the phone and neglected to replace it. The next morning I grabbed my purse, but since I keep my keys on a hook on the wall, I never looked inside it and noticed the wallet was missing until lunchtime rolled around.)
Put cat food into the litter box (without processing it first through the cat)
Microwaved a frozen dinner for thirty minutes instead of three (Did you know frozen mashed potatoes explode? I’d have thought they’d burn, but no - they explode. Trust me on this one.)
- and, saved the best one for last -
Arrived at work without any shoes - okay, this one needs explaining. I often wear high heels and my car is a stick shift. For safety and to avoid buggering up my shoe heels, I usually get dressed, leave the house carrying my shoes and put them on once I park the car. On that day, I’d put my strappy sandals down while getting the day’s allotment of Diet Cokes off the shelf in my garage but apparently never bothered to pick them back up. Once I got to work barefoot, I called the boss to explain why I’d be late, a second commute being required. He wanted me to go to the nearby Macy’s and buy a new pair, to save time, and even offered to pay for them. I was tempted, but I just couldn’t see myself walking two blocks down a city street barefoot, or walking into Macy’s to shop with now-filthy bare feet, so I drove back home instead.
Many more entries probably can be added to this list once I've pondered the subject further.
MONTOYA DELENDA EST!
1 Comments:
I suspect you inherited a lot more from your Dad than previously suspected. Last week, I found an empty saltine box in the fridge....gods know what happened to the peanut butter!
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Anonymous, at 9:29 AM
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