Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!
Alan gave me a card, some candy, a big box of candles, a glass candleholder and a pair of gorgeous pink wineglasses. I gave him a card, half a ton of Nestle Crunch chocolate, 2 new long-sleeved t-shirts, a toy and a giant canister of Slim Jims. While it’s true (to quote Nancy) that nothing says “I love you” like cheap crap from work, it’s also true that nothing says “I love you” like a giant container of processed quite-probably-meat snack product.
Giving meat on Valentine’s Day is an Invader Zim joke. The kids at school are passing out their Valentine’s Day meat slabs and one child, Dib, asks, “Ms. Bitters! I read that long ago people used to give out cards and candy on Valentine's Day. How did the whole meat thing get started?” Ms. Bitters answers forbiddingly, “You DON’T wanna know.”
Similarly, you don’t wanna know the answer to my question, “Do Slim Jims really contain any meat and if so, what sort? Which parts?” but here is an interesting fact: according to the official Slim Jims website, each year they make 533 million of them, enough to circle the globe 2.7 times. That’s nearly 21 million pounds of Valentine meat slabs.
Alan gave me a card, some candy, a big box of candles, a glass candleholder and a pair of gorgeous pink wineglasses. I gave him a card, half a ton of Nestle Crunch chocolate, 2 new long-sleeved t-shirts, a toy and a giant canister of Slim Jims. While it’s true (to quote Nancy) that nothing says “I love you” like cheap crap from work, it’s also true that nothing says “I love you” like a giant container of processed quite-probably-meat snack product.
Giving meat on Valentine’s Day is an Invader Zim joke. The kids at school are passing out their Valentine’s Day meat slabs and one child, Dib, asks, “Ms. Bitters! I read that long ago people used to give out cards and candy on Valentine's Day. How did the whole meat thing get started?” Ms. Bitters answers forbiddingly, “You DON’T wanna know.”
Similarly, you don’t wanna know the answer to my question, “Do Slim Jims really contain any meat and if so, what sort? Which parts?” but here is an interesting fact: according to the official Slim Jims website, each year they make 533 million of them, enough to circle the globe 2.7 times. That’s nearly 21 million pounds of Valentine meat slabs.
3 Comments:
The piggy finally landed a 'spokespig' job. That's the good news - it's for a "sort of" meat product of ham and "something else". It's called SQUAM. The bad news is, they sent a squirrel costume for him to wear!
ha ha ha ha
And you could have saved yourself the trouble of visiting the SlimJim website, and just asked your daddy...he's watched that show about a bazillion times on the Hilter Channel....
mom
By
Anonymous, at 2:37 PM
You know the weird part? Pig doesn't figure into it. Beef does, and mechanically separated chicken. Do yourself a favour and don't Google "mechanically separated chicken". It's gross. Not gross enough to keep me from smackin' on a Slim Jim even as I type, but pretty damned gross.
By
Helly, at 7:15 PM
As gross as finding out that when they first started 'mass producing' hot dogs they really did use cow lips, pig ears, etc.??
'Course they don't do that anymore for weenies...
mom
By
Anonymous, at 12:34 PM
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